The ISIHAC
Cross Breeds Page

Last Updated
17 Jul 2007

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for examples of new hybrid creatures. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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If you cross Terry Wogan with Hitler you get someone who invades Poland three times a week
01 Jun 1985
If you cross a hairdresser with Ian Botham you get a clip joint
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Leon Britton with Eric Morley you get Today Leon Britton, tomorrow Miss World
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Terry Wogan with a parrot you get Henry Kelly
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Oliver Reed with a block of wood that would be incest
01 Jun 1985
If you cross a yellow-breasted tit with Sir Geoffrey Howe you get a double-breasted tit
01 Jun 1985
Cross Margaret Thatcher at your peril
01 Jun 1985
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Donald Sinden with a hen you get Ham & eggs
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Lord Gowry with a warthog you get an arts council grunt
01 Jun 1985
If you cross Michael Foot with an inch worm you get six and a half inches of worm infested scarecrow Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Lena Zavaroni with Ken Livingstone you get the thin red loon Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Quasimodo with a mango you get a quango Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Ronald Reagan with a turnip you get a very dim turnip, but with all it's own hair Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Kenneth Williams with Jean Rook you get Carry On Crow Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross a parrot with a lion you get a bird that shouts 'Polly wants a zebra!' Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Princess Diana with an anteater you get Princess Dynorod Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Prince Andrew with Andy Pandy you get Randy Andy Pandy Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Sir Charles Forté with a hen you get a chicken that lays tables Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross a rambling rose with a pansy you get a flower that still rambles, but takes shorter steps Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross a road with a chicken you get to the other side Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic...oh no...you get very wet Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Tony Benn with a wide-eyed stoat you get another wide-eyed stoat Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Loyd Grossman with a team of sherpas you get the Duke of Edinburgh's Award Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
If you cross Eugene O'Neill with Michael Heseltine you get You Jane, Me Tarzan Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross a campus with Michael Heseltine you get a tin of paint, two tomatoes & an egg Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Roy Rogers with Alexei Sayle you get the wonderful one, two, three, four letter word Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Bo Derek with Boy George you get something that swings through the jungle both ways Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Margaret Thatcher with practically anything you lose you job Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Norman Tebbitt with J.R. Ewing you get a slightly nicer version of Norman Tebbitt Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Joan Collins with a cockatoo, I wouldn't be at all surprised! Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Rod Stewart with Bette Midler you get a divining rod that ignores water totally, but judders straight for the cocktail cabinet Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Paul Raymond with a Yeti you get the abominable showman Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross Cyril Smith with a Catholic priest you get Father Fattest Imperial College
05 May 1984
If you cross a parrott with Keith Chegwin and some apple pastry you get a polly wally strudel
03 Mar 1990
If you cross Ruby Wax with a Big Mac you can burn Kenneth Kendal at both ends
03 Mar 1990
If you cross John Le Carré with Kylie Minogue you get a Kylie Smiley
03 Mar 1990
If you cross Harry Carpenter with Sebastian Coe and the French Green Party you get a nice spot of Haricot Verde
03 Mar 1990
If you cross a lizard with the National Anthem you get a stand-up chameleon
03 Mar 1990
If you cross the Foreign Secretary with a mens' washroom you get a Hurd of Basins
03 Mar 1990
If you cross the Foreign Secretary with a mens' washroom you get Douglas Turd Kevin Hale
If you cross a moth with a piece of Marks & Spencer's underwear you get a cold front coming in from the vest
03 Mar 1990
If you cross the Duke and Duchess of York you get Budgie The Helicopter
03 Mar 1990
If you cross the Chancellor of the Exchequer with the Poll Tax you get a Major malfunction
03 Mar 1990
If you cross Topol with a mower you get a hover Nagila. It doesn't cut the grass, it just nips a little bit off the end Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross a German car with a potato you get an Audi Murphy Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross Madonna with Stavros you get a Madonna kebab Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross Des O'Connor with General Schwartzkopf you get Desert Norm Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross Billy Connolly with Pamela Stephenson you get 'When Hairy Met Silly' Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross another German car with Julian Clary you get an Opel fruit Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross Cliff Richard with a German arms manufacturer you get an alcohol-free Luger Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross a Japanese Noh theatre with an Assyrian stepped pyramid and Saatchi & Saatchi you get Noh Ziggurat Advertising Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross our finest living trumpeter with a climbing shrub you get Kenny Ball & His Jasmine Brighton
29 Jun 1991
If you cross a mounted Prime Minister with a Foreign Secretary you get Major Road A-Hurd
08 Dec 1990
If you cross Samantha Fox with David Lynch you get Twin Peaks
08 Dec 1990
If you cross Paul Gascoigne with Maria Whittaker you get the Gazza Strip
08 Dec 1990
If you cross a road with a chicken you'd both get to the other side
08 Dec 1990
If you cross a zebra with Noel Edmunds you'd be more likely to get run over by a discerning juggernaut
08 Dec 1990
If you cross tartan carpet with a chameleon he'd get a nervous breakdown
08 Dec 1990
If you cross a small question mark with a Roman Catholic priest you get a little bit of how's-your-father
08 Dec 1990
If you cross Zsa-Zsa Gabor with Jean-Michel Jarre you get Zsa-Zsa Jarre
08 Dec 1990
If you cross Zsa-Zsa Gabor with Paul Gascoigne you get a Zazza-Gazza Gabor
08 Dec 1990
If you cross Jeffrey Archer with Miss Piggy you get a spotty-backed bacon
14 Sep 1987
If you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Richard Branson you get into the Guinness Book Of Records posthumously
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Crystal Carrington with Eddy Cantor you get a crystal decanter, and if they had sextuplets that formed an acrobatic act, you'd get six matching tumblers
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Margaret Thatcher with a steam roller you get a large bill for a broken steam roller
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Arthur Scargill with a steam roller you get a large round of applause
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Mrs. Sean Penn with some barbequed lamb you get a Madonna kebab
14 Sep 1987
If you cross a palmist's hand with silver you get a large hoof-print on the palmist's hand, and a distant cry of 'Up Up and Away' to the tune of The Lone Ranger
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Nigel Mansell with John McEnroe you get two people who keep turning into the pits
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Pee Wee Herman with Superman you get Pea Soup
14 Sep 1987
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Edwina Currie with Arnold Wesker you get Chips With Absolutely Nothing
14 Sep 1987
If you cross the Russian border with a condom you get a letter from Brezhnev
14 Sep 1987
If you cross Joan Collins with 'Bungalow' Bill Wiggins you get a penthouse suite with a double balcony
04 Mar 1989
If you cross an Aston Martin with Harvey Proctor you get a spanking good motor car
04 Mar 1989
If you cross Nigel Lawson with Les Dawson you get a thing the size of two Orsons
04 Mar 1989
If you cross the Duke of Wellington with Edwina Currie you get an old boot that puts its own foot in it
04 Mar 1989
If you cross Ken Dodd's palm with silver make sure you make a note of it
04 Mar 1989
If you cross Gorbachov with an Englishman in America you get Gor' Blimey!
04 Mar 1989
If you cross Keith Chegwin with an MFI warehouse you get Chirpy-Chirpy-Cheap-Cheap
04 Mar 1989
If you cross Dr. Fu-Manchu with a prison sentence you get Manchustir United
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Frank Bruno with Nicholas Parsons you get Just a minute and fifty seconds
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Andrew Ridgley & George Michael with Bamber Gascoigne by kind permission of a leading member of the Royal Family you get Wham Bam Thankyou Ma'am
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Placido Domingo with Rik Mayall you get Top 'C' Turvey
30 Aug 1986
If you cross The Wind In The Willows with Esther Rantzen you get a toad mole-esther
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Thomas Chippendale with Michael Heseltine you get a beautifully made cabinet that keeps walking out on itself
30 Aug 1986
Hannibal crossed the Alps with an elephant and got a mountain that never forgets
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Prince Andrew with the former speaker, Lord Tonypandy you get randy Andy Pandy
30 Aug 1986
If you cross the equator with Lord Whitelaw you get a Willie warmer
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Brian Walden with David Bellamy you get that noise when you pull a wellington out of a marsh
30 Aug 1986
If you cross the Sahara with a Land Rover, look out for Mark Thatcher, the twit's lost again!
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Andrew Lloyd-Webber with Geoffrey Archer, an undertaker and John Le Carré you get Cats with arseholes wreathed in Smileys
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Long John Silver with Lassie you get someone who falls over every time they wanted to have a pee
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Long John Silver with Lionel Blair you get Starstruck & Crutch
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Mrs. Thatcher and Rupert Murdoch, you're fired
30 Aug 1986
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth
07 Jan 1989
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué
07 Jan 1989
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere
07 Jan 1989
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum
07 Jan 1989
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Ian Botham you get a head lock
07 Jan 1989
If you cross Lord Nelson with John Cole you get a one-armed pundit
09 Nov 1991
If you cross Keith Prowse with The Bank of Commerce and Credit you get ...nothing
09 Nov 1991
If you cross Niagara Falls failures with the Queen Mother's Scottish castle you get the barrelling duds of May
09 Nov 1991
If you cross a Rotwellier with Lassie you get a dog that bites your leg off, & then helps you look for it
09 Nov 1991
If you cross a Judo expert with an Australian marsupial you get unarmed wombat
09 Nov 1991
If you cross a sheet of glass with a Gaelic language you get a pane in the Urse
09 Nov 1991
If you cross Neil Kinnock with Dame Edith Evans you get A WINDBAG?!!!
09 Nov 1991
If you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Margaret Thatcher you get to be very popular on one side of the Atlantic, and very unpopular on the other! Kevin Hale
If you cross Rupert Murdoch with a huge plate full of figs in the words of the old song, you get the Sun in the morning and you're up all night!
12 Oct 1987
If you cross Cornell Wild with Humphrey Bogart you get Cornell Bogey
12 Oct 1987
If you cross Van Goch with Peter Wright you'd have a right one 'ere
12 Oct 1987
If you cross a psychiatrist with Bungalow Bill you get the listening bonk
12 Oct 1987
If you cross the Rubikon with Madame Tussaud's you get Ruby Wax
12 Oct 1987
If you cross a contraceptive with Placedo Domingo you get The Condom Of The Opera
12 Oct 1987
If you cross your heart with St Michael you get a pair of Y-fronts that lift and separate
12 Oct 1987
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable
25 Apr 1989
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland
25 Apr 1989
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth
25 Apr 1989
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué
25 Apr 1989
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere
25 Apr 1989
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum
25 Apr 1989
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum
25 Apr 1989
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week
25 Apr 1989
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat
25 Apr 1989
If you cross a Bulldog with a Shitzu you get Bullshit Jeanee Hoffman
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable
13 Jan 1990
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland
13 Jan 1990
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth
13 Jan 1990
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué
13 Jan 1990
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere
13 Jan 1990
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum
13 Jan 1990
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum
13 Jan 1990
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week
13 Jan 1990
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat
13 Jan 1990
If you cross Ian Botham you get a head lock
13 Jan 1990
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