The ISIHAC
Yellow Pages Page
Last Updated
18 Nov 2009

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for entries in Yellow Pages for certain occupations or businesses. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

Professions:

Dogs' Shops & Companies Family Planning Clinics' Yellow Pages
Farmers' Yellow Pages Garage Services' Yellow Pages
Grocers' Yellow Pages Gunsmiths' Yellow Pages
Horticultural Wholesalers' Yellow Pages Jewellers' Yellow Pages
Marriage Guidance Yellow Pages Massage Parlours' Yellow Pages
Painters' & Decorators' Yellow Pages Plumbers' & Sewage Contractors' Yellow Pages
Property Developers' Yellow Pages Sculptors' Yellow Pages

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Dogs' Shops & Companies

Barks & Spencer Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Not Poodles Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
A couple of airlines -Ryan Airedale & Fleasyjet, the advertising to be done by Scratchy & Scratchy Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Some jewellers - [ Poodle & Dunthorne, H. Spaniel and Sniffanys Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Another airline -Easyjet, Easy Boy, Sit! Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Wet Nose Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Carbone Warehouse Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Water Stones Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Setter Manger Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Pooch The Chemist Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Waggermommas Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Mr Whippet Ice Cream Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ HMV Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Borzois'R'Us Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Pee & Chew Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Schnauzer Fraser Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Red Bull Terrier - it'slabradorable Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Mongrelcare Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Opera for dogs at the Collieseum, showing Corgi & Bess Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ W.H. Sniff Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Houndstretcher Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Abercrombie & Fetch Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Wait! Rose! Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ IndeSit! Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Walkies Crisps Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Dalmationwide Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
[ Auldreekie Cockerleekie Soup Not broadcast] Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
It's sad - there used to beWoolwoofs, but they called in the retrievers Haymarket
22 Jun 2009
Barklays Bank Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Family Planning Clinics' Yellow Pages

There's a huge person here who works in one, called 'vast' Hector Mee - he seems cut out for the job 26 Mar 1983
That well known family planner - Ivor Headache 26 Mar 1983
The aristocracy - Lord & Lady Reception, & their son, Count Reception, and their Irish/Welsh friend, Di O'Phram 26 Mar 1983
From India, Indra Familyway, and her form of protection is that she eschews traditional Indian garb and goes around wearing a five ton safe - well, better safe than sari. Let's hope she doesn't meet a dohti old man 26 Mar 1983
Two minor thieves, known as the pilfer men. They look a little hung-over - they must be the 'morning after' pilfer men 26 Mar 1983
Prof. E. Lactic 26 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Test, & their stuck-up daughter, the prig Nancy Test 26 Mar 1983
There's a coach with some pregnant ladies in it - the 'blunder bus'...the result of a charabanc? 26 Mar 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Farmers' Yellow Pages

Si Ledge Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Clive Dung Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Pearl Barley, & her friend, Thea Chers Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Pat Cow, listed in the book in the usual reverse order Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Ann Uddercow - she looks cold, in fact she's freezin'. Tell her to put on a jersey Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Gracie Fields, W.C. Fields & W.G. Gracie-Fields - the founders of the three field system Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Frank Manure & Denis Midden Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
From South Africa, Mr & Mrs Manandes, & their son, Juan and Fido - that's Juan Manades' dog, with his friend, Wendy Mowameadow. How corny! Raise a rye smile Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Bullfarming, & their cockney son, 'Arry. He's not too happy - he's got a smallholding Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Skyatnight, & their red-haired and obliging son, Red Skyatnight - he's a shepherds delight Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
Wurzel & Tony Wedgewood-Benn - Foot & Mouth. That's worthy of Noel Cowherd Imperial College
23 Apr 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Garage Services' Yellow Pages

The Irish woman - Emma O'Tee Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Also from Ireland, the Errupp family - Phil & Jack Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Ian Suranceclaim - he's a bit late, cause he's piston broke Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Yvonne Pers-Stuck, entered under her initial - Y. Pers-Stuck Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Ma Kyercar & Pa Kyercar Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Mr Yeroil all the way from Prague - that well known Czech Yeroil Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
The Jewish garage owner, Maurice Minor (takes a bit off the end of your exhaust), with his friends, Aaron Waterfree & Manny Folds. He happens to be drinking milk, or break fluid as we used to call it at school. Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
A Swedish garage advertisement - Sven Didyoubuythis, but enough of his Saab story Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
Why don't you consult Mickey Nicaldigger & his wife, Minnie Metro - they're specialists in car tuning Middlesex Hospital
16 Apr 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Grocers' Yellow Pages

Under 'S' for soup, there's Consommé Davis Junior, Nigel Stock & Molly Gatawny 19 Mar 1983
A rather bad tempered German, Herr Icotbean - he's a bit of a sour Kraut 19 Mar 1983
Loretta Touille 19 Mar 1983
Minnie Stroni 19 Mar 1983
Nat King Coleslaw 19 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Apoundofapples, & their son, Alf 19 Mar 1983
There's Al Bran, who's currently appearing in The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner 19 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Itt, & their grandmother who's now moved to Australia, and is now known as the Pommie Gran Itt 19 Mar 1983
Under 'C' for Cabaret, there's Toyah Bean, accompanied by the orchestra of Camembert Kampfaert 19 Mar 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Gunsmiths' Yellow Pages

Mr & Mrs Gunn, & their sons, Tommy & Stan, with, from Treasure Island, Bren Gunn 19 Mar 1983
There's Winchester, Winchester, Winchester, Winchester, Winchester, Winchester...oh, Winchester Seventy-Three 19 Mar 1983
Orson Welles with probably the best luger in the world 19 Mar 1983
There's Miss Titt 19 Mar 1983
From Scotland, dart playing Jocky Wilson's spare false teeth - that's his ex'ra set 19 Mar 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Horticultural Wholesalers' Yellow Pages

Seed Wheel-Barrow Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Those proud civilised naval men who have just arrived in one piece - the haughty, cultural, whole sailors Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
In the Swedish yellow pages - Leif Mould Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
In the Scottish yellow pages - Gordon Shears Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
From Australia, Aunty Gladdie & Aunty Rhinum, with their boarder, Herb Aceous Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Mary Tyler-Moore's friend, Rhoda Dendron Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
There's Kate Bush with Peter Woods Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Des Oak-Conner Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Patrick Mower & his sister, Lorna Mower Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Trim Brook-Baler, a water garden emptying specialist Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
Benson Hedges - their catchy motto - Send for the Copse, Privet's on Parade & Shrubbery with Violets Middlesex Hospital
09 Apr 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Jewellers' Yellow Pages

Nick Lace & Stringer Pearls Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
There aren't many Chinese jewellers in the Yellow Pages, but there's one here - Tai Pin Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
A nice girl - Pearl Cluster (she's got a nasty case of emeralds, so her mother told me...mother of Pearl that is) Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
There's Graeme's brother's shop - that man who insists on wearing headgear - 'hat on' Garden Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
Stirling Silver, & his vegetarian friend, 'Eating Carrot' Gold Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Marriage Guidance Yellow Pages

Con Jugalrights Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Dai Vorce with Ivor Headache and Bert Ontheside Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Imony, & their son, Al, with his girlfriend, Holly Wedlock Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Ian Fidelity, leading the way to Marie Talbreakdown Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Dinbrighton, & their son, dirty wee Ken Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Sir Jekyll-Appliance talking to Eric Oncilabledifferences Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
An interesting firm of counsellors - F.U. Anykids Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Oliver Boringlife & Andy Snores Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Something to eat - banana custardyofthechildren Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
A rather sad looking Australian - Bruce Droop Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Victor Mature & his brother Pre...I can't read this other word Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Anychildrentobeconsidered, & their son, Arthur Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
It's not surprising this marriage has broken down, as she's been seeing her hermaphrodite friend, Ann Arthur Mann Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Mr & Mrs Shun, & their evangelical daughter from Africa, missionary Posie Shun Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
Karm into the Sutra, Maud Imperial College
30 Apr 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Massage Parlours' Yellow Pages

Christoper Rubbing & Winnie The Pull
Mr & Mrs Knowanythingaboutmassagetreatmentestablishments, & their daughter, Ida
From Ireland, Ambro Cation
Isaac Ummin, a well known negro slave - on his advertising board it says 'Isaac Ummin Masseur'
From the continent, that delightful masseuse, French Isextra
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Painters' & Decorators' Yellow Pages

Polly Filla Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
David Hockney, who is 5 foot 6, but is going to be much taller later after the raffle, when he's going to win some built up shoes - at the moment he's at his pre-raffle height,(so says Anne) Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
There's someone here - she's a little Pizzaro Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
Walter Colours Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
There's a fellow over there who won't come in - In 'y go, Jones! Guildhall School of Music
26 Feb 1983
Art Exx Kevin Hale
Emma Ulsion & Matt Finish Kevin Hale
Rob Down with Sandy Paper Kevin Hale
Dusty Sheet Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Plumbers' & Sewage Contractors' Yellow Pages

F. Luent
Mr & Mrs Chaintoflush, & their son, Paul
From Dodge City, Wyatt Tap, & Wild Bill Ballcock
Michaelangelo, who'll paint your cistern for you
Walter Softener - he's a bit of a drip. He's come with Dinah Rod
That lovely Scottish singing lavatory echo - Lulu
Christopher Plummer - he's not going to do any plumbing. Harry Carpenter's not going to do any carpenting, and Peter O'Toole's just left...
There's a nasty sight...look at all that sewage over Flo
From Italy, the Whatanastysmell family, & their daughter, Cora, with her boyfriend from India, the Singhe Pump
From the world of pop music, Drain Eddy & Bidet Holly
The newspaper editor who's just got the money from the council - Lou Grant, with his friend, Dennis Watermain
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Property Developers' Yellow Pages

Mr Scraper - Who is dis guy, Scraper? 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Building, & their son, Gerry 12 Mar 1983
Santa Point 12 Mar 1983
The biggest property developer of all time - Tara Babel 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Dayflats, & their daughter, Holly, and her boyfriend, Bill Dingpermit 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Citydecay, & their daughter, Ena 12 Mar 1983
So enormous he can hardly get in the door, the imposing Eddy Fiss 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Irableresidence, & their son, Des, with Masie Nett & Terry Sdouse 12 Mar 1983
Gus Ump 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Thousandsquarefeettolet, & their son, Zebedee 12 Mar 1983
Mr & Mrs Ingpermission, & their daughter, Pearl Ann 12 Mar 1983
Viscount Possession 12 Mar 1983
An influential man - Ivor Friendonthecouncil 12 Mar 1983
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

Sculptors' Yellow Pages

From France, Giselle Anne Ammere
Two sculptors that have their names in under nicknames, who did all the scuplture for The Barbican - a dubious sculptor from a Mediterranean island - 'Con' Crete, & his beligerent partner, 'Scrap' Metal
There's Leonardo Da Vinci, & his cousin, Leonardo Da Vindo, along with their cousin who went into films, Leonardo Di Too
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast

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