The ISIHAC
Humph's Prizes Page

Last Updated
16 Nov 2009

For the Pick Up Song round of the BBC Radio 4 panel game I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the chairman will offer the winner a punny prize. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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This week's prize is just the thing for the West African musical lover caught out in the rain - it's this Cameroon Macintosh. Brighton
28 Jun 1997
This week's prize is an ideal snack for the chiropodist on the move - it's these tasty microwave bunion rings. Newcastle
29 Nov 1997
This week's prize is something so comfortable to sit on it will make you feel like royalty - it's this Parker-Bowles recliner. Northampton
30 Nov 1996
This week's prize is just the thing for the aspiring athlete to keep an unruly carpet in check - it's this set of anabolic stair-rods. Glasgow
07 Dec 1998
This week's prize will ideally suit the lover of Chinese food who needs to know exactly when it's cooked - it's this oven ready speaking duck. Leeds
18 May 1998
This week's prize is a sure-fire cure for rising damp - it's an account with Yorkshire Water. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
This week's prize is just the thing to keep the animal lover warm at night - it's this hot water buffalo. Stratford-Upon- Avon
09 Dec 1995
This week's prize will provide the winner with a never ending supply of eggs for that environmentally friendly breakfast - it's this rechargeable battery hen. Hackney
18 Nov 1995
This week's prize is just the thing to ride around Paris on when doing the Victor Hugo tour - it's this economical 1.6 litre hunchback. Islington
13 Dec 1997
This week's prize comes from the Duchess of York's essential hair care range - it's a years supply of Wash & Go skiing. Cambridge
14 Dec 1996
This week's prize comes from the Duchess of York's essential hair care range - it's a years supply of Wash & Go skiing. Best Of ISIHAC 1/3 (d?)
06 Apr 1998
This week's prize allows even the most inveterate of sleep-walkers to wander unencumbered - it's these state of the art cordless pyjamas. Bath
14 Jun 1997
This week's prize is a tasty snack from the new Sarsons Chiropody range - it's this jar of pickled bunions. Southsea
01 Jun 1998
This week's prize is just the thing to warm the heart of any collector of National Coal Board memorabilia - it's this lovely coal-effect coal mine. Liverpool
16 Nov 1996
This week's prize will delight the sweet-toothed classical music lover - it's this bag of Schubert dips. Cardiff
21 Dec 1998
This week's prize will ideally suit the dog loving handyman - it's this set of adjustable spaniels. Birmingham
04 Jan 1999
This week's prize is just the thing for the homeowner who doesn't like to be kept awake by the furniture - it's this decaffeinated coffee table. Nottingham
28 Jun 1999
This week's prize is certain to wipe out even the most uncomfortable of embarrassing personal ailments - it's this Preparation-H Bomb. Plymouth
14 Jun 1999
This week's prize is just the thing for the food lover who can never remember what he likes for pudding - it's this tin of Amnesia Creamed Rice. Guildford
31 May 1999
This week's prize will give instant piece of mind to any lover of animals who's worried that their pet might go astray - it's this self-addressed antelope. Windsor
04 May 1998
This week's prize comes from the Findus dermatology convenience range - it's this Boil-in-the-Bag. Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
This week's prize is the ideal snack for the alfresco eating pet lover - it's this lovely picnic hamster. Wimbledon
15 Nov 1997
This week's prize is the latest addition to our new range of transcendental furniture - it's an occasional table. Windsor
04 Jun 1994
This week's prize is ideal for the DIY Reggae enthusiast - it's this Desmond Dekka Workmate. West End
19 Nov 1994
This week's prize is an all expenses paid pilgrimage to see England play cricket at Lourdes, and if they aren't all out by lunch, they'll also witness a miracle. Brighton
08 Jun 1996
This week's prize is just the thing for the forgetful farmer. It's a Lett's Pocket Dairy.  
This week's prize will ideally suit the keen race-goer who has a sweet tooth - it's this bag of granulated Shergar. York
15 Nov 1999
This week's prize will ideally suit the Tibetan hill farmer who likes to keep the place tidy - it's this set of goat hangers. Milton Keynes
29 Nov 1999
This week's prize is guaranteed to delight every sweet-toothed Mujahadin fundamentalist - it's this Kalashnikov trifle. Greenwich
13 Dec 1999
This week's prize is guaranteed to keep the keen cook amused in the run-up to Christmas - it's this lovely advent colander. 1999 Xmas Special - Golders Green
25 Dec 1999
This week's prize will make an ideal addition to the larder of anyone wanting to brew up a cuppa using contaminated water - a packet of Typhoid tea bags. Woking
29 May 2000
This week's prize is just the thing for the style-conscious chimney sweep - it's this Saville Row soot. London (??)
02 Jul 1994
This week's prize is a work of unique craftsmanship - it's this attractive leather-bound cow. Bath
12 Nov 1994
This week's prize is sure to delight the sweet-toothed baby Buddhist - it's this tin of Reincarnation Condensed Milk. Stoke-on-Trent
12 Jun 2000
This week's prize will suit anyone who likes to make their eyelashes look their best on February 14th - it's this St. Valentines Day Mascara. South Bank
26 Jun 2000
This week's prize comes from the Ann Summers Erotic Herb Collection - it's this blow-up dill. Chester
10 Dec 1994
This week's prize is the ideal break for any floor covering enthusiast - it's 2 week on this luxury lino. Canterbury
12 Jul 1997
This week's prize is this fabulous skiing trip to Swiss Cottage. Bury St Edmunds
27 Nov 1993
This week's prize is the natural successor to the video series 'Workout with Jane Fonda' - it's called 'Sleep In with Oliver Reed'. Edinburgh
13 Nov 1993
This week's prize is an afternoon at Sasoon's Hair Care, where the lucky winner will have his head specially shaved during a recital of World War 1 poetry. London
11 Dec 1993
This week's prize is just the thing for the busy cross-dresser who's always on the move - it's this portable TV set. Watford
17 Jun 1995
This week's prize is just the thing for the stylish letter writer who regularly uses the M25 - it's this personalised stationery vehicle. Brighton (d?)
03 Jun 1995
This week's special Christmas prize is a 24 carat vegetable patch. 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
This week's special Christmas prize is a 24 carat vegetable patch. 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
This week's prize is just the thing to help the older single man liven up his al fresco evenings on the patio - it's this attractive pair of French Widows. Bournemouth
20 Nov 2000
This week's prize is just the thing to control wayward kitchen appliances - it's this electric kettle prod. Coventry
04 Dec 2000
This week's prize is just the thing to clear those annoying balls of fluff that so often accumulate in the belly button - it's this navel decongestant spray. High Wycombe
18 Dec 2000
This week's prize combines great looking hair with the exhilaration of the Canadian outdoors - it's this hairstyling moose. Richmond-Upon- Thames
22 Jun 1996
This week's prize is just the thing to snuggle up with on a romantic weekend in the country - it's this genuine sheepskin sheep. Radio Theatre
01 Jul 1995
This week's prize is a new book by J.R. Hartley entitled 'Sex, Drugs & Freshwater Groundbait' Brighton
06 Jun 1992
This week's prize is a lavish set of 'Learn to speak a language' cassettes with Loyd Grossman...this set's entitled 'Learn To Speak English' Unknown
30 May 1992
This week's prize is just the thing for the forgetful farmer - it's this Letts Pocket Dairy Oxford
18 Jun 1994
This week's prize is a solid foam rubber door stop Oxford
27 Jun 1992
This week's prize is just the thing for the parrot lover who wants to raise cash for charity - it's the chance to do a sponsored parakeet jump Reading
04 Jun 2001
This week's prize will provide a touch of luxury for anyone who enjoys the essence of poultry at bath time - it's this Campbell's Cream Of Chicken soap Sheffield
18 Jun 2001
This week's prize will ideally suit the Elvis impersonator who likes to go for the traditional look - it's this pair of reproduction mahogany sideburns. Norwich
02 Jul 2001
The winner of this week's prize will be the envy of every keen lepidopterist who worries about his pets' personal hygeine. It's this bottle of Listerine Mothwash. Wolverhampton
19 Nov 2001
This week's prize is sure to delight any wildlife enthusiast and Elvis impersonator - it's this stylish pair of blue suede shrews. Brighton
03 Dec 2001
This week's prize will ideally suit young Sex Pistols fans who want a good nights rest - it's this lovely pair of punk beds. Bradford
27 May 2002
This week's prize is a handsome corduroy truncheon. Brighton
22 Jun 1991
This week's prize is this Flymo nose-hair trimmer.
27 Jul 1991
This week's prize is sure to delight every gazelle enthusiast who hates his pets going astray - it's this stamped-addressed antelope. Leicester
10 Jun 2002
This week's prize is the perfect labour-saving kitchen device for every Arctic rodent enthusiast - it's this automatic lemming squeezer. Hastings
24 Jun 2002
This week's prize would make an ideal gift for a favourite uncle who's concerned about his wife's security - it's this electronically-coded aunty theft device. Malvern
25 Nov 2002
This week's prize is just the thing to delight the stylish man-about-town who enjoys designer label luxury at bathtime - it's this fabulous pair of Gucci loofahs. Blackpool
09 Dec 2002
This week's prize is just the thing to keep the kids amused at family funerals - it's this lovely rocking hearse. Sadler's Wells
23 Dec 2002
This week's prize is just a signed photograph of the Australian chanteuse Danii Minogue...signed by Gyles Brandreth.
This week's prize is just the thing for the Latin Music lover who wants to use their heated rollers whilst out on the balcony - it's this Carmen Veranda. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is just the thing for the hungry flower lover - it's this bowl of Iris Stew. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is just the thing for budding Jeffrey Archers who want to keep up with technology - it's this state-of-the-art Electric Tripewriter. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is just the thing for the apothecary who's feeling peckish - it's this bowl of Leeches & Cream. Kevin Hale
This week's prize will ideally suit the technically-minded South Asian Arboriculturalist - it's this Computer Indus Tree. Kevin Hale
This week's prize will ideally suit anyone who is worried about being attacked by their kitchen fittings - it's a course of Shelf-Defence Lessons. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is ideal for the executive who needs to organize his linen - it's this beautiful leather-bound Filoflax. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is ideal for the philosopher who normally borrows other people's shaving gear - it's this Eclectic Razor. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is ideal for the Egyptologist who likes to keep his mummies sparkling clean - it's this bottle of Pharaoh Liquid. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is just the thing for the healthy eater who suffers from foot problems - it's these Wholemeal Loafers. Kevin Hale
This week's prize will suit any shorthand secretary with an eye for fashion - it's this lovely Propelling Pencil Skirt. Kevin Hale
This week's prize will stave off the hunger pangs of any fan of 1950's children's television - it's this chocolate-chip Muffin the Mule. Kevin Hale
This week's prize is a completely house-trained colony of African gorillas.
30 Nov 1991
This week's prize is the very latest in our single-celled pets for keen-eyed kids collection - it's this playful little amoeba, complete with colourless protoplasm and contractile vacuole (Nucleus is not included). Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1991
This week's prize is very handy for those cold winter nights - it's a delightful hot water...biscuit. Chichester
12 Dec 1992
This week's prize is just the thing to delight the domestic foul enthusiast who likes his chickens to be woken with a touch of luxury - it's this lovely electric teasmade with built-in alarm cluck. Buxton
16 Jun 2003
This week's prize will ideally suit every keen pastry cook who's storage space is too low - it's a bag of shelf raising flour. Torquay
30 Jun 2003
This week's prize is sure to delight the parasite lover on the move - it's this pair of halogen head lice. Neil Freckleton
This week's prize is guaranteed to delight every keen ornithologist who wants to keep his birds' feet snug and dry - it's this lovely pair of cuckoo clogs. Winchester
24 Nov 2003
This week's prize is sure to delight every veteran of the Crimean campaign who's keen to upgrade his soft furnishings - it's this stylish balaclava pelmet. 2003 Xmas Special
25 Dec 2003
This week's prize is something so comfortable to sit on it will make you feel like royalty - it's this Parker-Bowles recliner. Best Of ISIHAC 3/3
20 Apr 1998
[ This week's prize is one to be treasured by every member of Al Qaeda who's also a fan of the game called 3-2-1 - it's this life size Dusty Bin Laden. Not broadcast] Leeds
22 Dec 2003
This week's prize will delight every keen chef who likes their deserts to throw themselves off the cooker - it's this lovely lemming meringue pie. Belfast
21 Jun 2004
This week's prize is the satisfying lunch snack that conveniently hangs itself from the ceiling - it's this tasty pipistrel bap. Salford
05 Jul 2004
[ This week's prize will suit any home owner who wants to get that authentic inner-city Cardiff effect in their kitchen - it's this lovely Welsh dosser. Not broadcast] Basingstoke
13 Dec 2004
This week's prize is guaranteed to keep the keen cook amused in the run-up to Christmas - it's this lovely advent colander. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Clue
This week's prize will ideally suit any homeowner who wants to get that authentic inner-city Cardiff effect in their kitchen - it's this lovely Welsh dosser. Hull
03 Jan 2005
This week's prize will delight every keen horticulturalist who wants to make their garden look bigger - it's this lovely magnifying grass. Tunbridge Wells
17 Jan 2005
This week's prize will ideally suit every proud home owner who wants to keep their carpets pine fresh and viper free - it's a year's supply of Snake'n'Vac. Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
This week's prize is just the thing to delight the small rodent enthusiast who likes to keep his pets minty-fresh...it's this bottle of Listerine Mousewash. Rhyl
20 Jun 2005
This week's prize is guaranteed to give the busy executive a vigorous workout as he sleeps - it's this luxury double bed with interior sprung mistress. Oxford
04 Jul 2005
This week's prize will delight every wire-haired terrier owner who likes to keep their pet smartly presented - it's this lovely Corby Schnauzer Press. London Palladium
21 Nov 2005
This week's prize is certain to eradicate the creeping effect of marine mollusc damage to ageing skin - it's this Nivea Anti-Winkle Cream. Brighton
05 Dec 2005
This week's prize is sure to delight every DIY enthusiast who likes to keep their underwear coordinated - it's this set of Dulux matt emulsion pants. Harrogate
26 Dec 2005
This week's prize is just the thing to stop pets from cluttering up your house...it's this attractive mahogony cat stand. Bristol
29 May 2006
This week's prize is sure to delight every philatelist with an interest in issues commemorating amputations...it's this beautiful leather bound stump collection. Birmingham
12 Jun 2006
This week's prize is sure to delight every handicraft enthusiast who enjoys making their own Chinese food...it's this lovely set of knitting noodles. Halifax
26 Jun 2006
[ This week's prize is sure to delight every dinner party host who likes to serve lawn clippings in style - it's this lovely cut-grass decanter. Not broadcast] Southport
20 Nov 2006
This week's prize is sure to delight every dinner party host who likes to serve lawn clippings in style - it's this lovely cut-grass decanter. Victoria Palace
04 Dec 2006
This week's prize is sure to delight every amphibian lover who worries about their pets getting lost - it's this lovely AA Toad Atlas. Sunderland
18 Dec 2006
This week's prize is just the thing to help alpine chalet owners beat the effects of global warming...it's this lightweight aluminium icicle pump... Cardiff
25 Jun 2007
[ This week's prize will be a boon to the host of any Freedom Fighter supper party who likes to ensure that the dessert is served promptly - it's this self-loading semi-automatic trifle. Not broadcast] Wimbledon
09 Jul 2007
This week's prize will provide every Dr. Who enthusiast an ideal accompaniment to pasta meals...it's this tasty Dalek bread... Croydon
19 Nov 2007
[ This week's prize is sure to keep anybody's wife warm in bed on a cold winter's night - it's this electric Blunkett. Not broadcast] Manchester
03 Dec 2007
[ This week's prize is sure to keep anybody's wife warm in bed on a cold winter's night - it's this electric Blunkett. Not broadcast] Peterborough
17 Dec 2007
[ Today's prize will ideally suit the wildlife lover who likes to get about on his bike - it's this Cycling Proficiency Badger. Not broadcast] Humph In Wonderland
25 Dec 2007
This week's prize is just the thing to clear those annoying balls of fluff that so often accumulate in the belly button - it's this navel decongestant spray. ISIHAC Classic Repeat
23 Jun 2008
This week's prize will ideally suit every proud home owner who wants to keep their carpets pine fresh and viper free - it's a year's supply of Snake'n'Vac. ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
This week's prize will ideally suit the sweet-toothed S & M enthusiast who's always in a hurry - it's this Bird's Instant Whip. Haymarket
15 Jun 2009
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


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