The ISIHAC
Kiss Of Death Page

Last Updated
27 Jul 2008

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for lines that will end a date, & ensure it is never repeated. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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So, when's it due? 03 Mar 1990
Your mother's very attractive! or even worse Your brother's strangely attractive! 03 Mar 1990
I find your warts very interesting 03 Mar 1990
I agree wholeheartedly that one should not go all the way on a first date, indeed I respect you for it. On a second date, however, I have been compared to Attila The Hun on Royal Jelly 03 Mar 1990
No further than't stockin' tops! 03 Mar 1990
May I whisper in your ear - that way you might not notice the halitosis 03 Mar 1990
Your place, or back to the sheltered accommodation? 03 Mar 1990
Isn't this house music great?! 03 Mar 1990
Let's go for a run in the Skoda 03 Mar 1990
Henry Cooper wears Brut as well 03 Mar 1990
Hello. Well, that's the foreplay over 03 Mar 1990
Alright then, I'll navigate, you stupid cow! 03 Mar 1990
Well, I assure you your mother liked it! 27 Jul 1991
I expect this is a whole new experience for you...trainspotting 27 Jul 1991
Air stewardesses really turn me on. Did you ever actually meet the Wright brothers? 27 Jul 1991
Your hair looks so natural - particularly the left nostril 27 Jul 1991
That was a lovely evening, & with service charge included, that will cost you 250 guineas 27 Jul 1991
I've just noticed - your eyes match the spinach in your teeth 27 Jul 1991
This is fantastic. I've been looking for someone to teach my bulldog to chew wasps 27 Jul 1991
Yes, I won first prize in a Robert Maxwell lookalike competition. Of course, I wouldn't have stood a chance if you'd entered 27 Jul 1991
Oh, it's started to rain. Let's all shelter under...you 27 Jul 1991
Don't apologise love, the silent ones always are the worst, aren't they? 27 Jul 1991
Oh, what a lovely dress. I can't wait to try it on!
What's your sisters phone number?
You don't sweat much for a fat bird, do you? Kevin Hale
So, when's it due? ISIHAC 1, Side 2
Your mother's very attractive! or even worse Your brother's strangely attractive! ISIHAC 1, Side 2
No further than't stockin' tops! ISIHAC 1, Side 2
Your place, or back to the sheltered accommodation? ISIHAC 1, Side 2
Let's go for a run in the Skoda ISIHAC 1, Side 2
Well, I assure you your mother liked it! ISIHAC 1, Side 2
Your hair looks so natural - particularly the left nostril ISIHAC 1, Side 2
That was a lovely evening, & with service charge included, that will cost you 250 guineas ISIHAC 1, Side 2
I've just noticed - your eyes match the spinach in your teeth ISIHAC 1, Side 2
I hope you don't mind men who like to play rough. I've got one waiting in the bedroom... Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I hope you don't charge, like the others Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Boy, you can kiss! I completely forgot the halitosis Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
No wonder you didn't send a photo! Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
Shall we listen to Quote, Unquote? Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Let's go window shopping in the plastic surgery clinic Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ You know, you remind me of Anne Robinson Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
You don't sweat much for a big girl Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ What a coincidence - you live in a nurses home, and I live in a nursing home Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I saw you across a crowded room. Couldn't miss you, you were blocking all the others! Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
There's something different about you. You're so...alive! Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
Let's do it right here and now, while everyone's concentrating on the sermon Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
Oh dear. Sorry about this. I hope it's just nits Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Ooh, you've got me all hot and bothered - look at these armpits! Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
I would ask you back to my place, but I've got a chainsaw in soak Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
Whoops! Well that's better out than in! Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I hope you like Japanese food, 'cos my cooker's busted Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Ooh, your lips. I see you had the treacle pudding as well Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I hope your feet don't smell like mine. I've only got a small flat Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
LOOK OUT! Just my little joke! Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ You know, you should do modelling. I've got loads of unfinished Airfix kits at home Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Don't worry about committment - I'm already committed Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ You know, you look just like Michael Winner in drag Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ That blue skirt matches your varicose veins Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
I find myself torn between Veritas and UKIP... Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
Get your balaclava on, you've pulled! Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ You know, a lot of people think personal finance is boring Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Your eyes are lovely - specially the left one Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I've got a weird sense of humour, me. At least that's what they said at the trial... Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Go on - have you never danced in a kebab shop? Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ My friends think I'm an absolute nutter, but I've got my own place now Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ Did you drop these Odor-Eaters? Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
[ I've got a petition at home without your name on Not broadcast] Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
I hope you don't mind men who like to play rough. I've got one waiting in the bedroom... ISIHAC 9, Side 4
No wonder you didn't send a photo! ISIHAC 9, Side 4
Shall we listen to Quote, Unquote? ISIHAC 9, Side 4
You don't sweat much for a big girl ISIHAC 9, Side 4
There's something different about you. You're so...alive! ISIHAC 9, Side 4
Let's do it right here and now, while everyone's concentrating on the sermon ISIHAC 9, Side 4
Oh dear. Sorry about this. I hope it's just nits ISIHAC 9, Side 4
I would ask you back to my place, but I've got a chainsaw in soak ISIHAC 9, Side 4
Whoops! Well that's better out than in! ISIHAC 9, Side 4
LOOK OUT! Just my little joke! ISIHAC 9, Side 4
I find myself torn between Veritas and UKIP... ISIHAC 9, Side 4
Get your balaclava on, you've pulled! ISIHAC 9, Side 4
I hope you don't mind men who like to play rough. I've got one waiting in the bedroom... ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
No wonder you didn't send a photo! ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
Shall we listen to Quote, Unquote? IISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
You don't sweat much for a big girl ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
There's something different about you. You're so...alive! ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
Let's do it right here and now, while everyone's concentrating on the sermon ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
Oh dear. Sorry about this. I hope it's just nits ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
I would ask you back to my place, but I've got a chainsaw in soak ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
Whoops! Well that's better out than in! ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
LOOK OUT! Just my little joke! ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
I find myself torn between Veritas and UKIP... ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
Get your balaclava on, you've pulled! ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


...and some if things have reached as far as the altar...
Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

 Sort by:
 

I do...
What a lovely dress - I can't wait to try it on!
Do I take this woman?...would you??
Guess who's coming on the honeymoon - Gyles Brandreth!
Don't look - the vicar's got a bogey!
What's your sister's phone number?
Oh, are those flowers for me?
My God, if you're half the woman your mother was...
I asked the organist to play The Birdie's Song when we leave the church
You light up, luv - Never mind the veil
Now aren't you glad you wore the black latex outfit?
Incidentally, I lied about the money
This wedding ring used to be Elizabeth Taylor's - it's a lucky one!
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


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