The ISIHAC
Lonely Hearts Page

Last Updated
25 Jun 2006

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for Lonely Hearts advertisements for famous people. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

 Sort by:
 

Nana Mouskouri: Seeks life partner. Must have good sense of humus. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Quasimodo: Do you love a sexy French accent, and are prepared to overlook a couple of things... Guaranteed to bring a new meaning to humping! Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Chris Tarrant: Quiz show host seeks broad minded lady, prepared to ask an audience, phone a friend and go fifty-fifty. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Spiderwoman: Attractive superhero with good pair of legs...pair of legs...pair of legs...pair of legs...and own website WLTM the invisible man - please send photograph. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Edwina Currie: wishes to meet randy publisher. Object - cut out the middle man Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ The Pope: SNCD. Sorry, no can do Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Jamie Oliver: Head cook seeks bottle washer Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Zsa-Zsa Gabor: Zsa-Zsa Gabor wishes to meet Jean Michel Jarre. Object - to become Zsa-Zsa Jarre. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Alan Titchmarsh: wishes to meet gardener with big boobs. Please send photograph of mower Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Stephen Hawking: No time wasters. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Alfred The Great: Seeks any woman. I'm not that great. Cake baker preferred Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Britney Spears: Britney Spears lookalike seeks Bryan Ferry lookalike with a view to producing lots of little Britney Ferrys. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Tara Palmer-Tomkinson: Vacuous freeloader WLTM...well anybody really Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Adam: Anybody out there? Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Robin Cook: Cosmetically-challenged Scotsman seeks anything with a pulse. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
John Prescott: Companion wanted in a sense...er...must be good listener in so far as we all understand the listening capacity which may hitherto have been...well you understand what I'm talking about, I've said it before. GHOS essential. And furthermore... Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Mother of four seeks companionship. One needs a bit of peace and quiet. Can meet at one of our Palaces. No Greeks. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Thomas Alva Edison: Thomas Alva Edison seeks sound woman. Please send phonograph. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Osama Bin Laden: Sexy bearded man seeks hardy type to share long days and nights in caves, crouching behind a rock. Willingness to self-immolate an advantage Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Joan Of Arc: Non-smoker, right? Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
[ Joan Of Arc: wishes to meet male, 14th or 15th century. No arsonists or faggots Not broadcast] Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Paul Burrell: Former Royal arselicker seeks partner for evening's camping and cruising. Blackpool
02 Dec 2002
Joan of Arc: WLTM Fireman. No faggots need apply. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
The Pope: Reclusive infallible prelate seeks albino assassin to supress truth about Jesus. Sorry, no blacks or Jews. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Lot (from the Old Testament): Sodomite requires soul mate. Non smoker, GSOH. Must be willing to travel, no looking back. Fun loving character, preferably salt of the earth. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Himmler: Seeks someone similar, with four testicles. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Francis Bacon: WLTM the Earl of Sandwich. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Jane Austen: Accomplished lady novellist seeks husband whose intelligence and character is of such substance that she might escape the tedium of evenings spent listening to the empty twitterings of her sisters, and seeks solace instead in the company of a companion whose love and constancy she will never have cause to doubt. Must have nice arse. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Michaelangelo: WLTM woman interested in gazing at ceilings. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Narcissus: Seeks...no, hang on a minute...no one else required. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Pablo Picasso: Seeks woman with one eye and ear on forehead. GSOH. Or tin of sardines. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Mary Magdalene: Seeks Saviour, view matrimony and raising a family. Must be able to do miracles and keep a secret. No time wasters please. Reply in code only. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
Sven-Goran Eriksson: Stylish Swede seeks woman. Must have pulse. Birmingham
05 Jun 2006
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


Back to www.isihac.org.uk

Copyright © 1998-2017 Kevin Hale. All rights reserved

Made with Cascading Style Sheets logo    Valid CSS!    Valid HTML 4.01!