The ISIHAC
Samantha's Pick Ups Page

Last Updated
16 Nov 2009

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the chairman gives details of what happened to Samantha while she was picking records for the Pick Up Song round. Here are some of his suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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...as ever, Samantha spent several hours down in the gramophone archive, giving the teams' discs a trial spin on the library record deck. The nice old archivists have recently been a bit worried about their early vinyl collection getting scratched, so Samantha ordered them a new mat for the turntable. She said that they were very excited at the thought of getting felt under their old seven inchers... Norwich
02 Jul 2001
...Samantha nipped out to the gramophone library earlier, and as the eager assistants down there suspected she might be a country music lover, they got out every Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson record available. Well, in my experience, she's certainly always been a big fan of Willie's, and now she's got to work her way through a complete boxed set of Johnny's... Sheffield
18 Jun 2001
...Samantha went along to the gramophone library earlier to collect the teams' records. It's pitch black down there, so Samantha & the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candle-light, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the disks, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark... Reading
04 Jun 2001
...Samantha kindly took all four team members down into the gramophone archive earlier to help choose their songs. It's quite cramped down there, but she managed to squeeze them in two abreast... High Wycombe
18 Dec 2000
...Samantha has been choosing records for the teams with the assistance of the elderly staff of the BBC gramophone archive. Some of their old seven inchers are looking a bit worn now, but they were all quite big back in the '60s. She's kindly picked the fluff off them and is ready to pump up the volume... Coventry
04 Dec 2000
...Samantha spent many hours in conversation with the BBC gramophone library research staff for this round, deliberating over the fine old seven inchers they presented for inspection. She says before deciding which she was going to spin, she had to think about each one long and hard... Bournemouth
20 Nov 2000
...Samantha spent several hours down in the gramophone archive earlier choosing four of the very best, and those magnificent hits are about to be given an airing for the teams' delight. She'll soon have them swinging along to the music... South Bank
26 Jun 2000
...Samantha has drawn my attention to several misunderstandings in past introductions to this round, as she takes her preparation work for it very seriously. She insists we spend hours in the gramophone archive researching records, and I can't tell you how long she keeps me down there. However, she retains her sense of humour, and if I ever do slip up, she gives me a reassuring smile when I put it incorrectly... Stoke-on-Trent
12 Jun 2000
...Samantha spent some time in the gramophone archive last night, sorting through the jazz section. When I arrived, she kindly got my vintage collection out, and spread them on the desk for me... Woking
29 May 2000
...As is our habit, Samantha and I spent a few hours in the record library earlier, and enjoyed a good long root in the singles section. Now in DJ mode, Samantha is poised at the turntable with her forty-fives beautifully stacked and ready to spin for the teams... Greenwich
13 Dec 1999
...Samantha is, of course, famous for her fine set of forty-fives, and you couldn't hope to find more magnificent hits together anywhere. She kindly popped them on the mixing desk for me to sample, and now we're going to share them with the teams... Milton Keynes
29 Nov 1999
...This is where the teams sing along to some well-known records selected from the gramophone library. I spent a frankly unrewarding half-hour down there this morning, until Samantha generously offered to help me out. Strictly speaking, her contract doesn't cover research, and by asking her to have an unpaid poke amongst the records stacks, I might have put her in an awkward position... York
15 Nov 1999
...Samantha accompanied me down to the gramophone archive this morning incidentally, where she quickly uncovered some of the greatest hits ever - and what a treat for my old ears they were... Nottingham
28 Jun 1999
...As ever, Samantha spent a few hours browsing among the shelves in the singles archive this week, and as a result of a rewarding poke in the Country section, she was thrilled to discover a mint condition, seven inch, Boxcar Willy... Plymouth
14 Jun 1999
...As ever, Samantha spent some hours down in the gramophone archive selecting the teams' disks. You know, she puts in a lot of hard work on this round, and she gets a bit fed up with silly comments about the way she checks the teams' seven inchers or pulls out my reproduction equipment and twists the knob. Samantha tells me she tries to take no notice of these pathetic, peurile critics, but it isn't always easy to ignore her knockers... Guildford
31 May 1999
...Luckily, DJ Samantha has an impressive set of forty-fives which she'll kindly get out and spin for our delight... Cambridge
14 Dec 1996
...Luckily, DJ Samantha has an impressive set of forty-fives which she'll kindly get out and spin for our delight... Best Of ISIHAC
...For the teams to make their choices, DJ Samantha generously got her voluminous greatest hits out earlier, for them to put a finger on the one they'd most like to have played, and she's now eagerly poised over the gramophone, and ready to give the first player's fine old seven incher a long overdue airing... Birmingham
04 Jan 1999
...To ensure that each panellist is allocated a suitable record, Samantha has spent a rewarding evening amongst the shelves down in the gramophone archive. As ever, her keen eye spotted a firm favourite or two, and she couldn't resist getting them down. She's ready and waiting at the turntable with her neatly arranged set of forty-fives on display and ready to spin for your delight... Cardiff
21 Dec 1998
...Samantha has been busying herself down in the gramophone archive this morning, pulling out a seven incher for each of the teams, and checking closely for damage. She was disappointed to see one or two were worn almost flat through overuse. Fortunately, she has a couple of fine forty-fives in reserve for just such an emergency and will be getting them out soon to put things right... Glasgow
07 Dec 1998
...Samantha has specially selected some hit singles from her collection, and I notice her forty-fives are already stacked up and ready to spin... Leeds
18 May 1998
...Hip-Hop, Jive-Talking, Disco-Bunny, DJ Samantha rolled her sleeves up and had a good rummage downstairs for the teams this afternoon. She's pulled out some dusty old seven inchers that could all be made big again given sympathetic handling... Windsor
04 May 1998
...As usual, DJ Samantha is 'in the house' and 'giving it large'. She's spent the morning down in the record archive with the sound engineers, sampling some fine seven inchers for us... Islington
13 Dec 1997
...as is customary, Samantha spent some time down in the gramophone library earlier, fetching the hit singles she's chosen. She's become quite friendly with the two elderly archivists, Jack and Arthur. They've recently gone part time, so Samantha's come to a working arrangement. She does the paperwork, Arthur gets her forty-fives out, and Jack's off all afternoon... Wolverhampton
19 Nov 2001
...as is customary, record researcher Samantha made her regular visit to the gramophone library earlier. The kindly old archivist keeps a small terrier for company. Samantha makes a point of taking him a treat of a biscuit or two. The archivist says he always loves to watch his little dog as he scampers up to Samantha with her couple of crackers held out, and pants around her ankles... Brighton
03 Dec 2001
...as is customary on these occasions, Samantha has spent several hours researching the teams' discs in the gramophone library. She popped down there this morning to find the archivist had rushed back from his hiking holiday especially to open the place up for her. Still with his boots and knapsack on, he was kindly tidying the place up. Samantha says there's nothing better than a neat rambler down in the basement... Bradford
27 May 2002
...as usual, Samantha made her regular trip to the gramophone library this morning to collect the records she'd ordered. She doesn't like heights, but the archivist is very helpful, and always climbs the ladder to fetch her some of the most successful discs in music history. She says she always looks forward to her visits, as he goes up with his feet firmly on the steps and hands down her giant hits... Leicester
10 Jun 2002
...Samantha spent so much time down in the gramophone library researching this, that she's been asked to take over as the new supervisor. Her first task is a complete staff reorganisation, and to allocate new duties to the nice old archivists. They say that when she's finished her assessment, they're hoping Samantha will give them a group presentation in the conference room, and then hand jobs out in the office... Hastings
24 Jun 2002
...Samantha spent so much time down in the gramophone library researching this, that she's become quite friendly with the kindly old archivists. They often ask if they can borrow her portfolio album as they're keen to know what she looked like in her modelling days. It always cheers them up when they find Samantha's left it out on the table for them to inspect... Malvern
25 Nov 2002
...Samantha spends many long hours with the two kindly old gramophone archivists who, as is usual when we visit a seaside town, she's brought along for a day out. As they're particularly keen on the local seafood, Samantha treats them to a special meal, and they both sit in eager anticipation as Samantha flits about with her hostess trolley and hands round their winkles... Blackpool
09 Dec 2002
...Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramophone library where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. Their favourite treat is cheese with home made chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish... Sadler's Wells
23 Dec 2002
...Record researcher Samantha has been doing her regular stint down in the gramophone library, where she tells me that the two old archivists have been getting a little fractious of late. They've been at each others' throats about which of them will represent the archive in judging the BBC's Most Shapely Legs competition. To quiten things down, Samantha had to keep them apart all morning... Buxton
16 Jun 2003
...Samantha tells me that down in the gramophone library there's been a spot of good natured rivalry recently, as she's been promoted ahead of the two kindly old archivists, to become Senior Researcher. There wasn't frankly much competition for the post, and Samantha realises the job fell in her lap, but the archivists never complain when she rubs their noses in it... Torquay
30 Jun 2003
...In preparation for this, each week Samantha goes off to the gramophone library, a labyrinthine maze of dusty shelves and filing cabinets. The place can be a little daunting, but the kindly old archivists know their way around and provide Samantha with accurate maps. She says it's always good to know they're going to offer her good solid directions which they prepare by hand before waving them under her nose... Winchester
24 Nov 2003
...Earlier, Samantha went down to the gramophone library to choose the teams' records. While she's there, the kindly old archivist usually asks Samantha to do a few routine maintenance tasks for him, including checking the ancient sound equipment. This week, there was: 'cleaning off some rust'; 'replacing record needles'; and 'attending to a stiff knob' on his list of tasks. It was quite a long one, so she asked if he didn't mind her sitting on it for a while... Eastbourne
15 Dec 2003
...As usual, Samantha has been down in the gramophone library researching the teams' records, aided and abetted by the two kindly old archivists, Curly Smith and Chalky White. Samantha was saying she's been helping them rearrange their work rostas recently - Chalky was getting a bit worried that Samantha might reduce his overtime shift, but cheered up when instead he saw her shorten Curly's... Leeds
08 Dec 2003
...My housemaid Samantha went along to the wax cylinder lending library earlier to see the kindly old archivists who haven't been too well of late. Their lungs are becoming affected by the notorious London pea-soupers, and they were worried their panting and coughing might rankle with Samantha. However, she assured them there's no problem. She says she'll let them know if sitting there with the noise of coughs and pants around her rankles... 2003 Xmas Special
25 Dec 2003
...As is customary, Samantha went down to the gramophone library earlier, where she says there's been some sort of misunderstanding. Of late, the usually friendly old archivists haven't been very welcoming, claiming Samantha has been rubbing them up the wrong way. She says she had to give them a good mouthful, and that soon put them straight... Belfast
21 Jun 2004
...Record researcher Samantha visits the gramophone library every workday, where she says she finds the old archivists like to indulge in petty bartering before they'll fetch her chosen disks. This could be irritating, but Samantha says she doesn't really mind if they want to dicker about five times a week... Salford
05 Jul 2004
[ ...Samantha makes regular visits down to the record library to choose the teams' records, and just recently she's been helping the old archivists with their new sound insulation. Tomorrow she's going to put acoustic tiles up in the studio. Next time she's hoping to get felt up in the office... Not broadcast] Basingstoke
13 Dec 2004
...My housemaid Samantha went along to the wax cylinder lending library earlier to see the kindly old archivists who haven't been too well of late. Their lungs are becoming affected by the notorious London pea-soupers, and they were worried their panting and coughing might rankle with Samantha. However, she assured them there's no problem. She says she'll let them know if sitting there with the noise of coughs and pants around her rankles... I'm Sorry I Haven't A Christmas Clue
...Samantha makes regular visits down to the gramophone library to choose the teams' records, and just recently she's been helping the old archivists with their new sound insulation. Tomorrow, she's going to get acoustic tiles up in the studio, and if there's time, she's hoping to get felt up in the office... Hull
03 Jan 2005
...DJ Samantha has completed her customary research down in the gramophone archive. As the kindly old archivists can't get out very much these days, Samantha sells them light snacks and confectionary. Initially, they were shocked by her prices, so she now offers selected discounts. There's been nothing off Mars Bars, but they were delighted to see Samantha's Snickers come down at a price they can afford... Tunbridge Wells
17 Jan 2005
...Samantha made her customary visit to the gramophone library earlier, where she found the producer was filming a documentary. He was pleased to see Samantha as he needed a body double, and explained that although he wasn't sure he could use her arms or hands, he'd certainly be happy to find her legs a part... Ipswich
06 Jun 2005
...Samantha spends many hours down in the gramophone library researching discs for this round with the kindly old archivists. However, the nature of her duties has become the subject of a certain amount of ribald comment of late. Therefore, to avoid any unfortunate misunderstanding, I shall self-censor the account of this week's visit, so: Samantha went to fetch the teams' discs earlier, and dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah, and kept them spinning at 45 revolutions per minute... Rhyl
20 Jun 2005
...Samantha spent a few hours down in the gramophone library researching the teams' discs earlier, and took her little dog with her. She likes to dress the little thing in her own stylish canine clothing range, and the elderly archivists say they all appreciate her doggy fashion... Oxford
04 Jul 2005
...DJ Samantha has been doing her usual extensive research down in the gramophone library, aided by the kindly old archivist. It's hard work, and she says they both get quite weary, so the archivists have a fold-up bed to take a nap in the afternoons, and has provided Samantha with a comfy reclining armchair so that she can put her feet up while he get's his head down... London Palladium
21 Nov 2005
...Samantha had some difficulty obtaining the records this week, as relations with the gramophone library have become strained. The archivists in the vinyl section are concerned that her failure to return all the singles she's borrowed will have long term financial implications for the library. They say Samantha has had nearly all their 7 inchers out this month, and they warn that they could end up stuck in arrears... Brighton
05 Dec 2005
...As is her habit, record researcher Samantha went down to the gramophone library earlier to choose the teams' discs. This week she found the archivists busily glueing up some well used cracked singles that she wanted to borrow. However, they weren't drying straight, so Samantha kindly helped out and supported their old seven inchers by winding Sellotape round until they were properly hardened up... Harrogate
26 Dec 2005
[ ...Record researcher Samantha was unable to make her usual trip to the gramophone library this week, as she was autitioning as a body double in a short film, so the elderly archivists kindly brought the discs over and found Samantha had just been seen by the director. They were delighted to learn that her legs had got apart... Not broadcast] Bristol
29 May 2006
[ ...Samantha earlier made her usual visit down to the gramophone library to choose the teams' discs. The kindly old archivists suggested she get up to date on borrowing regulations, by sitting down to study their new manual. Samantha says she's happy to let them see her keeping abreast out in the back office... Not broadcast] Halifax
26 Jun 2006
[ ...Record researcher Samantha made her customary visit to the gramophone library earlier, where the kindly old archivist was so helpful that Samantha offered to take him out for a meal after this evening. However, he said he's playing in a darts tournament tonight, and wasn't sure when he would finish, so Samantha's had a word with the organisers to make sure the archivist can get his leg over before dinner time... Not broadcast] Southport
20 Nov 2006
...Samantha made her usual trip down to the gramophone library earlier, where there was a bit of a buzz about the release of her latest cookery film. Samantha says the archivists were all very excited about watching her new dinner video... Victoria Palace
04 Dec 2006
...As usual, record researcher Samantha went to fetch the teams' records from the gramophone library earlier, where she found the kindly old archivist sampling wines for Christmas. He'd brought in a selection of French wines, but there wasn't much left by the time Samantha got there, so although she was disappointed he only had a Semillon, she thought it would be impolite not to taste it anyway... Sunderland
18 Dec 2006
...Record researcher Samantha made her usual visit to the gramophone library earlier to collect the teams' discs. However, as Samantha has been very busy this week, she had to rely on the kindly old archivist to find the choices for her. He explained that one song was only available on vinyl, and that he had to bring a copy in from his own collection. Samantha said she wasn't sure if his old seven incher would stand up to scrutiny, but she was prepared to suck it and see... Cardiff
25 Jun 2007
[ ...Record researcher Samantha has been busy down in the gramophone library as ever. Normally, she chooses the teams' records with the help of the kindly old archivist, but he's not been very well. He's recently completed a comprehensive of the library's many discs which he generously leant to Samantha to keep while he's away, and Samantha says she's always happy to sit on his index whenever he's infirm... Not broadcast] Wimbledon
09 Jul 2007
[ ...Record researcher Samantha spends many hours down in the gramophone library, and she's recently found that the archivists have become very snooty about this low form of musical entertainment, and have been making protests to have it stopped. However, Samantha says she's more than capable of handling enormous snobs and standing up against them... Not broadcast] Croydon
19 Nov 2007
[ ...As usual, record researcher Samantha went down to the gramophone archive library yesterday to fetch the teams' discs. She was surprised to find the old archivists seem more interested in a card tournament on TV. Samantha politely explained they really ought to wait until after work when they'd be more than welcome to go round to her place to watch some stud poker all evening... Not broadcast] Manchester
03 Dec 2007
[ ...As usual, record researcher Samantha went down to the gramophone archive library yesterday to fetch the teams' discs. She was surprised to find the old archivists seem more interested in a cards tournament on TV. Samantha politely explained they really ought to wait until after work when they'd be more than welcome to go round to her place to watch some stud poker all evening... Not broadcast] Peterborough
17 Dec 2007
...Samantha kindly took all four team members down into the gramophone archive earlier to help choose their songs. It's quite cramped down there, but she managed to squeeze them in two abreast... ISIHAC Classic Repeat
23 Jun 2008
...Samantha made her customary visit to the gramophone library earlier, where she found the producer was filming a documentary. He was pleased to see Samantha as he needed a body double, and explained that although he wasn't sure he could use her arms or hands, he'd certainly be happy to find her legs a part... ISIHAC Classic Repeat
07 Jul 2008
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On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the chairman gives details of what happened to Samantha's proxy Sven while he was picking records for the Pick Up Song round. Here are some of his suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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...DJ Sven has spent all afternoon in the singles section of my record library, where he's pulled out every one of the Village People's seven inchers. After thinking about them long and hard, he decided they didn't suit, and made another selection for the teams... Southsea
01 Jun 1998
...Our resident hip-hop, scratch rapper, poptastic, jive bunny DJ Sven has pulled out some fine seven inchers which may be old, but still stand up well... Brighton
28 Jun 1997
...Our record researcher Sven this week visited the gramophone library earlier, when he took the opportunity to ask the helpful old archivists if they'd care to donate something to the good cause of which he's a patron. Sven says they couldn't have been kinder, immediately pulling out some old rare seven inchers to put into his charitable body... Haymarket
15 Jun 2009
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