Telford's Change: Good morning, Doctor Good morning, Mr. Telford (SNIP, SNIP), or should I call you Dolores? | 16 Jul 1979 |
Life on Earth: Tarantulas are friendly chaps. This one, for instance, is - aarrggh! | 16 Jul 1979 |
Kojak: This lollipop tastes a bit funny |
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Cannon: Mr. Cannon, you're fired | 05 Aug 1975 |
Tomorrow's World: Good evening. This is the first time we've had a laser beam in the studio... | 05 Aug 1975 |
Kojak: God, this boiled egg tastes revolting! | 05 Aug 1975 |
It's A Knockout: This is Eddie Waring here in Blackpool, and it's a little bit tricky this week...believe me, these lads can get up quite a bit of speed on these steam rollers! | 05 Aug 1975 |
Mission Impossible: I'm sorry sir, this mission is possible! I shall self destruct in five seconds... | 16 Sep 1975 |
The Sky At Night: And tonight, I'm looking at this new planet everyone's talking about called...Knickers! I'm looking through this telescope, and it's getting nearer, nearer the Earth - I'm sure all of you at home are watching through your telescopes. It's coming nearer and nearer...I'm looking with the naked eye now. It's getting awfully big and red, awfully big and red and...good heavens, I could swear it was in my room. IT IS! IT IS! Good God!! | 16 Sep 1975 |
Thunderbirds: Brains says it's terminal Dutch Elm Disease! | 16 Sep 1975 |
Top Of The Pops: Hi there guys and gals, as it 'appens, CLICK 'appens, CLICK 'appens, CLICK 'appens... | 16 Sep 1975 |
The Brothers: Edward, David Yes Brian? Mother's pregnant again | 03 Apr 1977 |
Within These Walls: Who left that door open? | 03 Apr 1977 |
The World At War: We interrupt this ceaseless programme to announce the outbreak of World War Three | 03 Apr 1977 |
Gardeners' Question Time: Well, I'd like to ask the panel, how best I should feed this triffid. Down, boy, down! | 03 Apr 1977 |
The Generation Game: Nice to see you, to see you....(coughing fit) | 13 Mar 1977 |
The Quest: I'm over here! | 13 Mar 1977 |
The Duchess of Duke Street: I don't believe you've met Sir Charles Fortes | 13 Mar 1977 |
The Sweeney: Regan - That dress doesn't even fit you | 27 Mar 1977 |
The Money Programme: Has anyone got 5p for the meter? | 27 Mar 1977 |
The BBC News: Tonight the news is read by Angela Ripon. Those of you who wrote in to congratulate Angela on carrying on with the news after her ear-ring fell off...get a load of this!! | 27 Mar 1977 |
Tom & Jerry: Lawks-a-mercy, Thomas, you is a good cat. Now go and put it in the garbage can... | 27 Mar 1977 |
Crossroads: My God! They're putting a traffic island in! | 15 Jun 1985 |
Miami Vice: Come on Tubbs, a gay junkie alligator never hurt anybody... | 15 Jun 1985 |
Thats Life!: Oh my God, she's left them in the glass by the bed... | 15 Jun 1985 |
Treasure Hunt: Sorry about the fog, Anneka. The Eiffel Tower should be coming up any minute now... | 15 Jun 1985 |
Pot Black: Welcome to South Africa for the first in a new series of Pot Black... | 15 Jun 1985 |
One Man & His Dog: Come away. Come away. Bucket of cold water please... | 15 Jun 1985 |
Coronation Street: They're putting beer in the water at the Rovers Return! | 15 Jun 1985 |
Points Of View: I agree with you totally, Mrs. Prunella Worthington of Elstree, Herts. - the board of governors here couldn't stuff a yak with After Eight mints... | 15 Jun 1985 |
The Price Is Right: Come on down! Oh, they have... | 15 Jun 1985 |
The News: The world ended yesterday... | 15 Jun 1985 |
Blankety Blank: ...and the next phrase is 'Blank Off'... | 16 Jul 1979 |
The Sky At Night: Hello. Well, as you can see, I have my telescope trained to the East, & I should be able to see, just rising, Brenda Robinson of number 83...yes, by jove, there it is...what a...what a...cor, look at that! | 03 Oct 1981 |
Angels: Nurse, I said 'prick his boil!' | 03 Oct 1981 |
Family Fortunes: Well, I'm sorry to have to say that the Kray family have lost
or
Well, Liz, Phil, Charles, Anne & Di, you've really cocked it up this time! | 03 Oct 1981 |
Wimbledon '82: Well Dan, I've never seen McEnroe in so ugly a mood as this. Are those hand grenades down his shorts?... | 03 Oct 1981 |
Crossroads: Meg Richardson is coming back! | 24 Apr 1982 |
Shoestring: Shoestring? Sorry, he's tied up... | 24 Apr 1982 |
The Weather Forecast: Well, quite a fine night tonight. A little snow on high ground, but on the whole temperatures are average for the time of year. And not quite the same picture I'm afraid for tomorrow, when we expect the early mist to give way to the end of the world... | 24 Apr 1982 |
Call My Bluff: ...and the next word is...TING...OH MY GOD!!! | 24 Apr 1982 |
The Archers: When did they start using B27's for crop spraying? | 19 Aug 1975 |
The Queen's Speech: My boyfriend and I... | 19 Aug 1975 |
Desert Island Discs: Well, my guest tonight has chosen eight records my Marcel Marceau... | 19 Aug 1975 |
Ironside: Well...here we are on the top of Mount Rushmooooaaaaarrrrgh!! | 19 Aug 1975 |
The Barbara Woodhouse Roadshow: Well, as you can see, I have with me here Bimbo, this enormous African elephant - Bimbo...SITTAAA. Bimbo, I said SI... | 12 Mar 1983 |
Pebble Mill At One: Before we talk, Mrs. Whitehouse, let's have a word with that naked man outside the window... | 12 Mar 1983 |
Live From Her Majesty's: Oh, Hello AGAIN, Mr. Fagen | 12 Mar 1983 |
Tenko: Blitish women...legret to announce make up department has lun out of artificial boils | 12 Mar 1983 |
The Two Ronnies: It's goodnight from me, & it's goodnight from her | 12 Mar 1983 |
The Dukes Of Hazard: Oh my God - Who rolled up this window? | 12 Mar 1983 |
Give Us A Clue: Michael Apsel saying: I knew it was a mistake giving Lionel 'Tell Them Willy Boy Was Here' | 12 Mar 1983 |
Goodbye, Mr. Chips: Oh...You wanted Mr. Chips fired...I thought you said fried | 26 May 1984 |
The Living Planet: This used to be an area with quicksands, but now it's... | 26 May 1984 |
Coronation Street: We regret to anounce the cancellation tonight of Coronation Street. Due to a cock up at The White House, Ronald Reagan has sent the entire U.S. Marine Corps into Granada | 26 May 1984 |
Dynasty: Look Out! Joan Collins' make up is beginning to crack! Run for your lives!! | 26 May 1984 |
Washington Behind Closed Doors: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... | 16 Jun 1979 |
The Two Ronnies: So it's goodnight from me and it's goodnight from her - Oh what a giveaway! | 16 Jun 1979 |
The Eurovision Song Contest: Now over to Angela... Thank you, and now the German entry coming on the stage - it's Heinz Kreinkraut with...the Horst Wessel song | 16 Jun 1979 |
Enemy At The Door: Boo!! | 16 Jun 1979 |
Hospital Watch: My word! It's dark in here in the very bowels of Mrs. Amanda Purvis of Exeter, but we're using the infra red cameras we use on Fox Watch. In the script it says she has anæmia...I think that's it...no, she's about to have anæmia...an ane...an ene...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES LADS!!! | 26 Jul 1986 |
Treasure Hunt: Helicopter lands. Girl jumps out. Anneka: (Shouts at camera) Well, here I am at the castle, and there's lots of people here but I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Does anybody know where I'm supposed to go? Kenneth Kendal: Uh...Anneka...uh...zip | 26 Jul 1986 |
Juliet Bravo: Morning Inspector. In the club again? | 26 Jul 1986 |
Down Your Way: Hello, and Down Your Way this week comes from Sellafield | 26 Jul 1986 |
Gardener's Question Time: Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid! | 14 Jan 1989 |
Blockbusters: Could I have an 'F' please, Bob? | 14 Jan 1989 |
Prisoner Cell Block H: The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight! | 14 Jan 1989 |
Neighbours: This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny | 14 Jan 1989 |
Bread: Crumbs! | 14 Jan 1989 |
Blue Peter: Well, it's time to make our Advent Crown again. We couldn't get any flameproof tinsel this year... | Kevin Hale
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Danger UXB: I see from your medical records that you're colour blind. Oh, I don't really think that will matter... | Kevin Hale
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Only Fools & Horses: Rodney - I've got myself a job... | Kevin Hale
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Porridge: Godber - I've got parole! | Kevin Hale
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Test Cricket from The Oval: Those people must have a good view from on top of that gasometer, but I don't think the barbecue is a good idea... | Kevin Hale
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Jaws: Waiter, I think I'll have the fish... | Kevin Hale
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Countdown: Hi, & welcome to the new dyslexics edition of Countdown... | Kevin Hale
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Friends: Sod off! I hate the lot of you! | Kevin Hale
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Sergeant Bilko: Bilko, you've been promoted... | Kevin Hale
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Allo! Allo!: Someone's stolen the picture of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies... | Kevin Hale
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Dad's Army: Pike! Yes, Captain Mainwaring? Put that hand grenade down at once! Stupid boy... | Kevin Hale
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Bill & Ben: Here comes the gardener. I wonder what he's got in that watering can. It smells like weedkiller... | Kevin Hale
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Famous Five: Who? Never heard of 'em... | Kevin Hale
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Postman Pat: What do you mean, a postal strike? | Kevin Hale
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Play School: They've boarded up the windows! | Kevin Hale
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Thomas the Tank Engine: "Thomas" said the Fat Controller, "Our franchise has been won by Virgin Trains..." | Kevin Hale
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Bagpuss: "Bagpuss, Oh Bagpuss, Oh big hairy catpuss. Get out of my bloody shop window!" said Emily | Kevin Hale
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I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue: Hello, and welcome to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, presented by Anne Robinson | Kevin Hale
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Skippy: Where do you want this stuffed kangaroo, mate? | Kevin Hale
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Captain Scarlet: I'm sorry Captain Scarlet, when we said you were indestructible, we were only referring to your socks | Kevin Hale
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Match Of The Day: Today, we're trying to decide between Swan Vesta and England's Glory | Kevin Hale
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Stars In Their Eyes: Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...Jeremy Hardy | Kevin Hale
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Prisoner Cell Block H: Who left that bleedin' door open? | 30 Nov 1991 |
The James Bond series of films: Now look here Q, I'm tired of this tape you've been playing on the car stereo - I'm going to push the eject button... | 30 Nov 1991 |
Question Of Sport & Home And Away [together]: [QOS] This question is for you Ian. Look at the screen. Here we see your wife entering a room. She draws the curtains...nice curtains by the way...and switched the bedside light on. There's a knock at the door, and as you see, a man comes in. Now, it's Bill Beaumont. What happens next? [H&A] We can't have Home And Away this week, because it's a draw | 30 Nov 1991 |
London's Burning: [Enter left a fireman:] Bad news! London's burnt! | 30 Nov 1991 |
Gardener's Question Time: Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid! | 02 May 1989 |
Blockbusters: Could I have an 'F' please, Bob? | 02 May 1989 |
Prisoner Cell Block H: The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight! | 02 May 1989 |
Neighbours: This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny | 02 May 1989 |
Bread: Crumbs! | 02 May 1989 |
Dad's Army: 'Captain Mainwaring. What happens of a doodlebug comes right in here through the window?' 'Stupid boy!' | Paris Theatre 02 Sep 1975 |
Upstairs, Downstairs: Rose, we're moving to a bungalow | Paris Theatre 02 Sep 1975 |
Blue Peter: Well today on Blue Peter, we're going to see what we can all get up to with a sledgehammer & half a dozen tortoises | Paris Theatre 02 Sep 1975 |
Star Trek: Mr. Spock Yes, Captain? Those ears - I find them curiously attractive | Paris Theatre 02 Sep 1975 |
Gardener's Question Time: Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid! | 15 Jan 1990 |
Blockbusters: Could I have an 'F' please, Bob? | 15 Jan 1990 |
Prisoner Cell Block H: The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight! | 15 Jan 1990 |
Neighbours: This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny | 15 Jan 1990 |
Bread: Crumbs! | 15 Jan 1990 |
Washington Behind Closed Doors: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... | 03 Oct 1978 |
The Two Ronnies: So it's goodnight from me and it's goodnight from her - Oh what a giveaway! | 03 Oct 1978 |
The Eurovision Song Contest: Now over to Angela... Thank you, and now the German entry coming on the stage - it's Heinz Kreinkraut with...the Horst Wessel song | 03 Oct 1978 |
Enemy At The Door: Boo!! | 03 Oct 1978 |