The ISIHAC
Last Episodes Page

Last Updated
15 Feb 2013

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for lines that will end a long-running radio or TV program. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

 Sort by:
 

Telford's Change: 
Good morning, Doctor
Good morning, Mr. Telford (SNIP, SNIP), or should I call you Dolores?

16 Jul 1979
Life on Earth: 
Tarantulas are friendly chaps. This one, for instance, is - aarrggh!

16 Jul 1979
Kojak: 
This lollipop tastes a bit funny
 
Cannon: 
Mr. Cannon, you're fired

05 Aug 1975
Tomorrow's World: 
Good evening. This is the first time we've had a laser beam in the studio...

05 Aug 1975
Kojak: 
God, this boiled egg tastes revolting!

05 Aug 1975
It's A Knockout: 
This is Eddie Waring here in Blackpool, and it's a little bit tricky this week...believe me, these lads can get up quite a bit of speed on these steam rollers!

05 Aug 1975
Mission Impossible: 
I'm sorry sir, this mission is possible! I shall self destruct in five seconds...

16 Sep 1975
The Sky At Night: 
And tonight, I'm looking at this new planet everyone's talking about called...Knickers! I'm looking through this telescope, and it's getting nearer, nearer the Earth - I'm sure all of you at home are watching through your telescopes. It's coming nearer and nearer...I'm looking with the naked eye now. It's getting awfully big and red, awfully big and red and...good heavens, I could swear it was in my room. IT IS! IT IS! Good God!!

16 Sep 1975
Thunderbirds: 
Brains says it's terminal Dutch Elm Disease!

16 Sep 1975
Top Of The Pops: 
Hi there guys and gals, as it 'appens, CLICK 'appens, CLICK 'appens, CLICK 'appens...

16 Sep 1975
The Brothers: 
Edward, David
Yes Brian?
Mother's pregnant again

03 Apr 1977
Within These Walls: 
Who left that door open?

03 Apr 1977
The World At War: 
We interrupt this ceaseless programme to announce the outbreak of World War Three

03 Apr 1977
Gardeners' Question Time: 
Well, I'd like to ask the panel, how best I should feed this triffid. Down, boy, down!

03 Apr 1977
The Generation Game: 
Nice to see you, to see you....(coughing fit)

13 Mar 1977
The Quest: 
I'm over here!

13 Mar 1977
The Duchess of Duke Street: 
I don't believe you've met Sir Charles Fortes

13 Mar 1977
The Sweeney: 
Regan - That dress doesn't even fit you

27 Mar 1977
The Money Programme: 
Has anyone got 5p for the meter?

27 Mar 1977
The BBC News: 
Tonight the news is read by Angela Ripon. Those of you who wrote in to congratulate Angela on carrying on with the news after her ear-ring fell off...get a load of this!!

27 Mar 1977
Tom & Jerry: 
Lawks-a-mercy, Thomas, you is a good cat. Now go and put it in the garbage can...

27 Mar 1977
Crossroads: 
My God! They're putting a traffic island in!

15 Jun 1985
Miami Vice: 
Come on Tubbs, a gay junkie alligator never hurt anybody...

15 Jun 1985
Thats Life!: 
Oh my God, she's left them in the glass by the bed...

15 Jun 1985
Treasure Hunt: 
Sorry about the fog, Anneka. The Eiffel Tower should be coming up any minute now...

15 Jun 1985
Pot Black: 
Welcome to South Africa for the first in a new series of Pot Black...

15 Jun 1985
One Man & His Dog: 
Come away. Come away. Bucket of cold water please...

15 Jun 1985
Coronation Street: 
They're putting beer in the water at the Rovers Return!

15 Jun 1985
Points Of View: 
I agree with you totally, Mrs. Prunella Worthington of Elstree, Herts. - the board of governors here couldn't stuff a yak with After Eight mints...

15 Jun 1985
The Price Is Right: 
Come on down! Oh, they have...

15 Jun 1985
The News: 
The world ended yesterday...

15 Jun 1985
Blankety Blank: 
...and the next phrase is 'Blank Off'...

16 Jul 1979
The Sky At Night: 
Hello. Well, as you can see, I have my telescope trained to the East, & I should be able to see, just rising, Brenda Robinson of number 83...yes, by jove, there it is...what a...what a...cor, look at that!

03 Oct 1981
Angels: 
Nurse, I said 'prick his boil!'

03 Oct 1981
Family Fortunes: 
Well, I'm sorry to have to say that the Kray family have lost

or

Well, Liz, Phil, Charles, Anne & Di, you've really cocked it up this time!

03 Oct 1981
Wimbledon '82: 
Well Dan, I've never seen McEnroe in so ugly a mood as this. Are those hand grenades down his shorts?...

03 Oct 1981
Crossroads: 
Meg Richardson is coming back!

24 Apr 1982
Shoestring: 
Shoestring? Sorry, he's tied up...

24 Apr 1982
The Weather Forecast: 
Well, quite a fine night tonight. A little snow on high ground, but on the whole temperatures are average for the time of year. And not quite the same picture I'm afraid for tomorrow, when we expect the early mist to give way to the end of the world...

24 Apr 1982
Call My Bluff: 
...and the next word is...TING...OH MY GOD!!!

24 Apr 1982
The Archers: 
When did they start using B27's for crop spraying?

19 Aug 1975
The Queen's Speech: 
My boyfriend and I...

19 Aug 1975
Desert Island Discs: 
Well, my guest tonight has chosen eight records my Marcel Marceau...

19 Aug 1975
Ironside: 
Well...here we are on the top of Mount Rushmooooaaaaarrrrgh!!

19 Aug 1975
The Barbara Woodhouse Roadshow: 
Well, as you can see, I have with me here Bimbo, this enormous African elephant - Bimbo...SITTAAA. Bimbo, I said SI...

12 Mar 1983
Pebble Mill At One: 
Before we talk, Mrs. Whitehouse, let's have a word with that naked man outside the window...

12 Mar 1983
Live From Her Majesty's: 
Oh, Hello AGAIN, Mr. Fagen

12 Mar 1983
Tenko: 
Blitish women...legret to announce make up department has lun out of artificial boils

12 Mar 1983
The Two Ronnies: 
It's goodnight from me, & it's goodnight from her

12 Mar 1983
The Dukes Of Hazard: 
Oh my God - Who rolled up this window?

12 Mar 1983
Give Us A Clue: 
Michael Apsel saying: I knew it was a mistake giving Lionel 'Tell Them Willy Boy Was Here'

12 Mar 1983
Goodbye, Mr. Chips: 
Oh...You wanted Mr. Chips fired...I thought you said fried

26 May 1984
The Living Planet: 
This used to be an area with quicksands, but now it's...

26 May 1984
Coronation Street: 
We regret to anounce the cancellation tonight of Coronation Street. Due to a cock up at The White House, Ronald Reagan has sent the entire U.S. Marine Corps into Granada

26 May 1984
Dynasty: 
Look Out! Joan Collins' make up is beginning to crack! Run for your lives!!

26 May 1984
Washington Behind Closed Doors: 
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK...

16 Jun 1979
The Two Ronnies: 
So it's goodnight from me
and it's goodnight from her - Oh what a giveaway!

16 Jun 1979
The Eurovision Song Contest: 
Now over to Angela...
Thank you, and now the German entry coming on the stage - it's Heinz Kreinkraut with...the Horst Wessel song

16 Jun 1979
Enemy At The Door: 
Boo!!

16 Jun 1979
Hospital Watch: 
My word! It's dark in here in the very bowels of Mrs. Amanda Purvis of Exeter, but we're using the infra red cameras we use on Fox Watch. In the script it says she has anæmia...I think that's it...no, she's about to have anæmia...an ane...an ene...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES LADS!!!

26 Jul 1986
Treasure Hunt: 
Helicopter lands. Girl jumps out.
Anneka: (Shouts at camera) Well, here I am at the castle, and there's lots of people here but I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Does anybody know where I'm supposed to go?
Kenneth Kendal: Uh...Anneka...uh...zip

26 Jul 1986
Juliet Bravo: 
Morning Inspector. In the club again?

26 Jul 1986
Down Your Way: 
Hello, and Down Your Way this week comes from Sellafield

26 Jul 1986
Gardener's Question Time: 
Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid!

14 Jan 1989
Blockbusters: 
Could I have an 'F' please, Bob?

14 Jan 1989
Prisoner Cell Block H: 
The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight!

14 Jan 1989
Neighbours: 
This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny

14 Jan 1989
Bread: 
Crumbs!

14 Jan 1989
Blue Peter: 
Well, it's time to make our Advent Crown again. We couldn't get any flameproof tinsel this year...
Kevin Hale
Danger UXB: 
I see from your medical records that you're colour blind. Oh, I don't really think that will matter...
Kevin Hale
Only Fools & Horses: 
Rodney - I've got myself a job...
Kevin Hale
Porridge: 
Godber - I've got parole!
Kevin Hale
Test Cricket from The Oval: 
Those people must have a good view from on top of that gasometer, but I don't think the barbecue is a good idea...
Kevin Hale
Jaws: 
Waiter, I think I'll have the fish...
Kevin Hale
Countdown: 
Hi, & welcome to the new dyslexics edition of Countdown...
Kevin Hale
Friends: 
Sod off! I hate the lot of you!
Kevin Hale
Sergeant Bilko: 
Bilko, you've been promoted...
Kevin Hale
Allo! Allo!: 
Someone's stolen the picture of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies...
Kevin Hale
Dad's Army: 
Pike!
Yes, Captain Mainwaring?
Put that hand grenade down at once! Stupid boy...
Kevin Hale
Bill & Ben: 
Here comes the gardener. I wonder what he's got in that watering can. It smells like weedkiller...
Kevin Hale
Famous Five: 
Who? Never heard of 'em...
Kevin Hale
Postman Pat: 
What do you mean, a postal strike?
Kevin Hale
Play School: 
They've boarded up the windows!
Kevin Hale
Thomas the Tank Engine: 
"Thomas" said the Fat Controller, "Our franchise has been won by Virgin Trains..."
Kevin Hale
Bagpuss: 
"Bagpuss, Oh Bagpuss, Oh big hairy catpuss. Get out of my bloody shop window!" said Emily
Kevin Hale
I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue: 
Hello, and welcome to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, presented by Anne Robinson
Kevin Hale
Skippy: 
Where do you want this stuffed kangaroo, mate?
Kevin Hale
Captain Scarlet: 
I'm sorry Captain Scarlet, when we said you were indestructible, we were only referring to your socks
Kevin Hale
Match Of The Day: 
Today, we're trying to decide between Swan Vesta and England's Glory
Kevin Hale
Stars In Their Eyes: 
Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...Jeremy Hardy
Kevin Hale
Prisoner Cell Block H: 
Who left that bleedin' door open?

30 Nov 1991
The James Bond series of films: 
Now look here Q, I'm tired of this tape you've been playing on the car stereo - I'm going to push the eject button...

30 Nov 1991
Question Of Sport & Home And Away [together]: 
[QOS] This question is for you Ian. Look at the screen. Here we see your wife entering a room. She draws the curtains...nice curtains by the way...and switched the bedside light on. There's a knock at the door, and as you see, a man comes in. Now, it's Bill Beaumont. What happens next?
[H&A] We can't have Home And Away this week, because it's a draw

30 Nov 1991
London's Burning: 
[Enter left a fireman:] Bad news! London's burnt!

30 Nov 1991
Gardener's Question Time: 
Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid!

02 May 1989
Blockbusters: 
Could I have an 'F' please, Bob?

02 May 1989
Prisoner Cell Block H: 
The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight!

02 May 1989
Neighbours: 
This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny

02 May 1989
Bread: 
Crumbs!

02 May 1989
Dad's Army: 
'Captain Mainwaring. What happens of a doodlebug comes right in here through the window?'
 
'Stupid boy!'
Paris Theatre
02 Sep 1975
Upstairs, Downstairs: 
Rose, we're moving to a bungalow
Paris Theatre
02 Sep 1975
Blue Peter: 
Well today on Blue Peter, we're going to see what we can all get up to with a sledgehammer & half a dozen tortoises
Paris Theatre
02 Sep 1975
Star Trek: 
Mr. Spock
Yes, Captain?
Those ears - I find them curiously attractive
Paris Theatre
02 Sep 1975
Gardener's Question Time: 
Well Mr. Smith, it's certainly not giant rhubarb. My God! It's a triffid!

15 Jan 1990
Blockbusters: 
Could I have an 'F' please, Bob?

15 Jan 1990
Prisoner Cell Block H: 
The guvnor's announced an amnesty. They're releasing all the prisoners who are overweight!

15 Jan 1990
Neighbours: 
This'll make ya laugh Dad - Mrs. Mangle's trying to defuse a nuclear device in the back yard dunny

15 Jan 1990
Bread: 
Crumbs!

15 Jan 1990
Washington Behind Closed Doors: 
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK...

03 Oct 1978
The Two Ronnies: 
So it's goodnight from me
and it's goodnight from her - Oh what a giveaway!

03 Oct 1978
The Eurovision Song Contest: 
Now over to Angela...
Thank you, and now the German entry coming on the stage - it's Heinz Kreinkraut with...the Horst Wessel song

03 Oct 1978
Enemy At The Door: 
Boo!!

03 Oct 1978
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


Back to www.isihac.org.uk

Copyright © 1998-2017 Kevin Hale. All rights reserved

Made with Cascading Style Sheets logo    Valid CSS!    Valid HTML 4.01!