Wolf required to help with pig harvest. Sound pair of lungs essential. Small, good wolves need not apply. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
There is a vacancy for a Margaret Thatcher. Any gender, though man preferred. Bullet-proof handbag provided. Long hours and knives. Must have knowledge of King Lear, particularly the Blasted Heath. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Following the untimely death of Joan of Arc, Martyr required. Must have own horse. Non-smoker preferred. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Marie Antoinette vacancy for Queen of France. Preference for cake and ability to keep head preferred. Apply to louis16th@versailles/guillotine.communard | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Millennium Dome needs new chief executive. Would suit failed whelk stall manager. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Following the death of the Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe. Wanted - someone who doesn't know what to do. Excellent maternity benefits. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Replacement for King Henry I required. King/Queen required for position of chief lamprey taster. Warning - lampreys may contain traces of nuts. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Following the resignation of John Birt as Director General of the BBC, any old ***** wanted. | Bournemouth 20 Nov 2000 |
Wanted - English person to win Wimbledon - Actual English nationality not essential. Own racket & shoes an advantage. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Wanted - Someone to decide England football stadium to go in central England where it obviously belongs. Unsuccessful party organiser in a brewery might as well apply. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Doctor Spooner Society are looking for blind dogs for the guides. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Curds and whey tester required. No time wasters or arachnophobics please. Must have own tuffet. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Dull halfwits required - accommodation provided. Apply Big Brother production office. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Hairdresser required. Qualifications not essential, but must have own shears & pudding basin. Apply Miss A Widdecombe. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Wanted by Little Bo Peep - Army recruits to dig funeral pyre. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Duke of Edinburgh seeks P.R. person - would suit former china shop bull. | Norwich 02 Jul 2001 |
Wanted - English person to win Wimbledon - Actual English nationality not essential. Own racket & shoes an advantage. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Doctor Spooner Society are looking for blind dogs for the guides. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Curds and whey tester required. No time wasters or arachnophobics please. Must have own tuffet. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Hairdresser required. Qualifications not essential, but must have own shears & pudding basin. Apply Miss A Widdecombe. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Replacement for King Henry I required. King/Queen required for position of chief lamprey taster. Warning - lampreys may contain traces of nuts. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Dull halfwits required - accommodation provided. Apply Big Brother production office. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Duke of Edinburgh seeks P.R. person - would suit former china shop bull. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Wolf required to help with pig harvest. Sound pair of lungs essential. Small, good wolves need not apply. | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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Marie Antoinette vacancy for Queen of France. Preference for cake and ability to keep head preferred. Apply to louis16th@versailles/guillotine.communard | ISIHAC 7, Side 4
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