| No Chain Involved = The toilet doesn't flush. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| A1 Condition = The A1 runs through the garden. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Under Offer = Gazumping in progress. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Ten minutes from the Sea = or even less if the cliff crumbles. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Suit Elderly Couple = Smells of cabbage. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Ideal for First Time Buyer = Can only be sold to someone who doesn't know what a real house is supposed to look like. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Imposing = The neighbours will come round & never leave. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Visual Features = It's an ugly bloke selling it. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| £125,000 ono = Oh No! | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Ready for Immediate Occupation = It's in Jersey & the owners were collaborators during the war. | Harrogate
02 Dec 1995 |
| Compact Garden = Access to window box. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Semi-Detached = It's falling apart. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Very large period building, praised by John Betjemen. Built on Victorian lines = They're selling St. Pancras. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Open Plan = The Barratt's helicopter crashed on it. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Green Belt = Mouldy skirting. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Reduced for Quick Sale = Please buy it before it collapses. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Studio = A room higher than it is long or wide, & the window is too high up to look out of it. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Ideal for Photographer = As 'Studio', but without the window. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| C.H. = Cannot Heat. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Two Recep. = Two receptacles are required to catch the rain dripping through the ceiling. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Needs Some Renovation = Condemned. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Indoor W.C. = Outdoor bath. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Stone's throw from Hyde Park = All the windows are broken. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Within Commuting Distance = Gatwick's at the bottom of the garden. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Attractively Modernised = Flock wallpaper. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Full Of Character = The death-watch beetle are particularly loud. |
07 Apr 1984 |
| Listed Building = The Tower of Pisa. |
07 Apr 1984 |
