The ISIHAC
Estate Agents' Jargon Page

Last Updated
03 Jan 2007

On the BBC Radio 4 show I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, one of the rounds includes suggestions for examples of Estate Agents' jargon, along with a translation. Here are some of the teams' suggestions, along with some of my suggestions. If you have any ideas you would like included, please e-mail me here, and I will add the best ones (with full credit to you of course)

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No Chain Involved = The toilet doesn't flush. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
A1 Condition = The A1 runs through the garden. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Under Offer = Gazumping in progress. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Ten minutes from the Sea = or even less if the cliff crumbles. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Suit Elderly Couple = Smells of cabbage. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Ideal for First Time Buyer = Can only be sold to someone who doesn't know what a real house is supposed to look like. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Imposing = The neighbours will come round & never leave. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Visual Features = It's an ugly bloke selling it. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
£125,000 ono = Oh No! Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Ready for Immediate Occupation = It's in Jersey & the owners were collaborators during the war. Harrogate
02 Dec 1995
Compact Garden = Access to window box.
07 Apr 1984
Semi-Detached = It's falling apart.
07 Apr 1984
Very large period building, praised by John Betjemen. Built on Victorian lines = They're selling St. Pancras.
07 Apr 1984
Open Plan = The Barratt's helicopter crashed on it.
07 Apr 1984
Green Belt = Mouldy skirting.
07 Apr 1984
Reduced for Quick Sale = Please buy it before it collapses.
07 Apr 1984
Studio = A room higher than it is long or wide, & the window is too high up to look out of it.
07 Apr 1984
Ideal for Photographer = As 'Studio', but without the window.
07 Apr 1984
C.H. = Cannot Heat.
07 Apr 1984
Two Recep. = Two receptacles are required to catch the rain dripping through the ceiling.
07 Apr 1984
Needs Some Renovation = Condemned.
07 Apr 1984
Indoor W.C. = Outdoor bath.
07 Apr 1984
Stone's throw from Hyde Park = All the windows are broken.
07 Apr 1984
Within Commuting Distance = Gatwick's at the bottom of the garden.
07 Apr 1984
Attractively Modernised = Flock wallpaper.
07 Apr 1984
Full Of Character = The death-watch beetle are particularly loud.
07 Apr 1984
Listed Building = The Tower of Pisa.
07 Apr 1984
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
(??) signifies a query regarding Venue of broadcast


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