| Here to do the cabaret - it's Nigel Dempster with Hot Gossip. A couple of girls in that are Dolly Telegraph & Evelyn Standard | 01 May 1982 |
| There's Bill Tidy doing a strip | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Fiedads, & their daughter, Clarissa | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Ticalcorrespondent, & their daughter, Polly | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Danexcuse-Andleft, & their daughter, May | 01 May 1982 |
| Oh there's Fiona Richmond with a sign on her sweater that says 'Press'. I think I will... | 01 May 1982 |
| The Mail family, & their Welsh/Oriental daughter, Dai Lee Mail | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Torial, & their son, Eddie | 01 May 1982 |
| There's the Indian theatre critic - Pandit Unmercifully | 01 May 1982 |
| ...and Horace Cope, who's looking at Uranus at the moment | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Zeen, & their naughty daughter, dirty Maggie, with her boyfriend, Charlie Zonpagethree | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Neecolumn, & their daughter, Aggie | 01 May 1982 |
| There's Paul Outsupplement | 01 May 1982 |
| Mr & Mrs Stoothee-Editor, & their daughter, Lettie | 01 May 1982 |
