The ISIHAC
Late Arrivals Page - Letter C

Last Updated
17 Feb 2013


Balls:

Car Dealers' Ball Car Salesmen's Ball
Caterers' Ball Catering Equipment Purveyors' Ball
Charities' Ball Cheesemakers' Ball
Chefs' Ball Christmas Ball
Circus Performers' Ball Clerics' Ball
Clothiers' Ball Clothing Manufacturers' Ball
Common Market Ball Communications Ball
Confectioners' Ball Conservative Party Ball
Countryman's Ball Cowboys' & Indians' Ball
Cricketers' Ball Criminals' Ball


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Car Dealers' Ball

From the East, Mr & Mrs Ota, & their daughter, Toyah 18 Feb 1989
Emma Teetest 18 Feb 1989
There's Roy Rogers driving his Audi Partner 18 Feb 1989
...also from the Wild West, Tex Disc 18 Feb 1989
Nice to see the Russians here - Mr & Mrs Wizimm, & their son, Watt, & their daughter, Samata 18 Feb 1989
from the Orient again, the Bushi family, & their daughter from Page 3 of the Sun, Mitzi 18 Feb 1989
Mr & Mrs Metro, & their daughter, Minnie, with her boyfriend, Austin & his dog, Rover. They came with Maurice Minor & Major Service 18 Feb 1989
The Carburettor family, with the twin Carburettors 18 Feb 1989
Mr & Mrs Livery, & their daughter, Freda (I see her big end's gone!) 18 Feb 1989
What's that noise? It's the Saab's crying again...those Saab sisters 18 Feb 1989
also from Sweden, Mr & Mrs Owneravicaripromiseyou, & their son, Lars 18 Feb 1989
Mr & Mrs Screenwipers, & their daughter, Win 18 Feb 1989
The Wheels, and is that a bit of spare with them? 18 Feb 1989
from France, the family Ault, & their son, Ron. Sit Ron! 18 Feb 1989
from Germany, Horst Power, and his dead friend, the ex-Horst Pipe 18 Feb 1989
Help yourselves to the food. We keep it in the larder - that's about all it's fit for really 18 Feb 1989
Mr & Mrs Strationnumbers, & their son, Reggie 18 Feb 1989
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Car Salesmen's Ball

First through the door is a sad old tart from the Paris underground, clapped-out Minnie metro 14 Apr 1984
...also with Minnie is the hatchback of Notre Dame 14 Apr 1984
Who's that lovely lady over there? Cor! Tina! I'm surprised she's able to show her fascia - I'd have thought she'd have been dash bored 14 Apr 1984
Mr Livery, & his daughter, Freda, and her friend, Lana Drover 14 Apr 1984
Anna Ford 14 Apr 1984
From Spain, Sñr Pelita, & his son, Miles 14 Apr 1984
Mr & Mrs Lerjag, & their daughter, Dame Lerjag (She's Porsche) 14 Apr 1984
V.W.Golf & his caddy, Lac 14 Apr 1984
From Wales, the Japanese-Welsh family, the Hatsu's, & their son, Dai 14 Apr 1984
Mr & Mrs Baretyres, & his bald son, Fred 14 Apr 1984
Mr & Mrs Thousandmilesontheclock, & their son, Zebedee 14 Apr 1984
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Caterers' Ball

From France, the head of the Incase-Ofrain family, the Marquis Incase-Ofrain, who is going out with Mary Landchicken 23 Aug 1986
There's Freddie Starr over there, eating and drinking - Juleps & hamster jam 23 Aug 1986
It's cabaret time - also from France, Charles Asnofork who's going to sing 'Mince In The Old Fashioned Way', accompanied by Rasher Distel and Edith Pilaf who's going to sing 'No Courgettes' 23 Aug 1986
There's someone throwing up on the lawn - it's Henrietta Badoyster... 23 Aug 1986
...Sue Flay's just collapsed as well. Somebody's given her the quiche of life. She came with her brother Sam - Sam & Sue Flay 23 Aug 1986
I've seen Des Erttrolley, & I've spotted Dick 23 Aug 1986
There's that awful creep, Suzette (crept in, had a crêpe & crept out again) 23 Aug 1986
The wedding caterers are lining up to see the bride Barbie, that's the Barbie queue 23 Aug 1986
The Pasto family have come from Italy - there's Aunty Pasto with her nephew. I think he works in the North Sea...I think he's a rigger, Tony 23 Aug 1986
There's Freezer Minelli, and John Le Carrier, that specialist in novel cuisine. He wrote The Pie That Came In From The Cold 23 Aug 1986
There's some more cabaret - Davis & Fitzgerald (Sam & Ella), and Sardine Martin 23 Aug 1986
From Sweden, Mr & Mrs Nuteportions, & their daughter, Mai 23 Aug 1986
Oh, I've spilled a sweet - I've pudding on my top hat, pudding on my white tie, pudding on my tails... 23 Aug 1986
From Italy, Mr & Mrs Masalata, & their daughter, Tara, with her friend, Donna Kebab, & her doll, Mardes 23 Aug 1986
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Catering Equipment Purveyors' Ball

Mr & Mrs Der, & their son, Colin, and his posh friend Brian Rice 26 May 1984
The Chinese chef who talks a lot, known to us all as 'Jabber Wokky' 26 May 1984
The caterers would like to thank the de Sade family for the loan of the marquee 26 May 1984
There's Sylvia Salver 26 May 1984
The Imixx family, & their daughter, Madge, with Ken Wood, chef 26 May 1984
Mr & Mrs Glove dropped dead on the way here, but we are happy to welcome the orphan Glove, & his pet, the eye-level gorilla 26 May 1984
Mr & Mrs Queequipment, & their daughter, Barbie 26 May 1984
There's Reg Ulofive...oh, he's gone out again 26 May 1984
A talkative member of the Seven family - 'Gas' Mark Seven 26 May 1984
Mr & Mrs Pladel, & their daughter, Sue, who's come with Stewart Prune...oh she's going 26 May 1984
Des Ertspoon 26 May 1984
Mr & Mrs Chenknife, & their son, Kit Kevin Hale
From China, Mr & Mrs Sdisposal, & their daughter, Wai Kevin Hale
Mr & Mrs Shwasher, & their daughter, Dee Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Charities' Ball

Mr & Mrs Aid, & their daughter, Christine, and her friend, Maunday Rice-Davies, & her ox, Fam 02 Jun 1984
The Rabbit family - buck She, & doe Nation 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Day, & their daughter, Poppy 02 Jun 1984
The Speceays, & their daughter, Iris 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Concern, & their West-Country son, Adge 02 Jun 1984
There's Charity Biggins...I thought she was at home 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Dusaquidtillpayday, & their son, Len, and his girlfriend, Anne Dout 02 Jun 1984
The Ukranian couple, Mr & Mrs Urandin, & their Cockney relative, Gert 02 Jun 1984
There's Grace. I'd like to do her a favour, but she's got her boyfriend with her - Benny Fit 02 Jun 1984
From Egypt, Mr & Mrs Pkitchen, & their daughter, Sue 02 Jun 1984
There's the old magistrate, 'Beak' West 02 Jun 1984
The people who believe in charity beginning at home, the Russian couple, Mr & Mrs Umsugarluv, & their son, Boris 02 Jun 1984
There's witch Hazel - she's the coven Aunt 02 Jun 1984
From Wales, Mr & Mrs Sports, & their Aunty, Blod 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Vation, & their daughter, Sal 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Sanctuary, & their Spanish cousin, Don Qui 02 Jun 1984
Mr & Mrs Isef, & their son, Ewan Kevin Hale
02 Jun 1984
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Cheesemakers' Ball

Mr & Mrs Fort, & their son, Rock Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
The mother & father of all Italian cheeses, Ma & Pa Mesan Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Mr & Mrs Zola, & their son...Emile Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Mr & Mrs Sheer, & their tall, thin son, Lanky Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
The family Ooo, & their daughter, poor Sal Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
...and from Yorkshire, ...oh, they've gone...Eee, damn! Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
It's cabaret time, with a tribute to Mozarella Fitzgerald, and Miss Muffet's going to do a strip while eating curds...wey-hey! Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
From the Westcountry, Mr & Mrs Urcheese, & their son, Jed Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Farmer & Mrs Brown, & their ploughman, Zlunch Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Also in the cabaret, Stilton John will be playing the Harry Lymeswold Theme Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Mr & Mrs Jones, & their aggressive son who swears a lot, Blue Vinnie Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
The Screamcrackers, & their son, Jacob Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
The Duke & Duchess of Gloucester have come in together...the Double Gloucesters Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
Let me give you a toastie...must say this Caerphilly...My Old Dutch. Thankyou...your hats and goats cheese Cheltenham
06 Jul 1996
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Chefs' Ball

The Ringpacks, & their economical daughter, Kate 17 Feb 1990
Mr & Mrs Cobean, & their son, Harry 17 Feb 1990
The family Brulé, with their son, Graeme 17 Feb 1990
The cabaret continues with the Sorbet City Rollers, who've been overdoing it, they're more like the Obese City Rollers, and Ronnie Courgette who will be juggling omelettes - Whoops!, there's egg on Ronnie 17 Feb 1990
From up North, Mr & Mrs Rotpot, & their tall, retiring son, lanky shy Rotpot 17 Feb 1990
The Yong Farceys, & their son, Ron 17 Feb 1990
Here's Patty de Fois-Gras with three chef's nightmares - Mal Nutrition, Anna Rexia & Di Etition 17 Feb 1990
From Italy, that well known Italian-Scot, Mac Aroni, with his Aunty Pasta, his French whore, D'Oeuvres, and Minnie Stroni 17 Feb 1990
From Greece, Peter Bread & Donna Kebab 17 Feb 1990
Mr & Mrs Pervaday, & their daughter, Sue 17 Feb 1990
Mr & Mrs O'Nuts, & their drunken son, pissed Archie 17 Feb 1990
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Christmas Ball

Mr & Mrs Eltoe, & their daughter, Miss Eltoe - Oh, there's someone under her! 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Mr & Mrs Tidelogs, & their bald son, Yul 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Mr & Mrs Amanger, & their son, Wayne 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
From Wales, Mr & Mrs Arenotincluded, & their intellectually-challenged son, batty Rhys 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Mr & Mrs Ivy, & their son the bishop - the Holy Andy Ivy 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
From Mexico, Mr & Mrs Horse-Opensleigh, & their son, Juan 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Another crisis! I've just heard that Santa's drunk & he's holding a painting by an 18th century French pastoral artist & a piece of paper out of a cracker - Oh no! He's blotto in the grotto with a Watteau & a motto! 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Mr & Mrs Even, & their pizza making son, Deep-pan Crispian 1993 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1993
Mr & Mrs Eltoe, & their daughter, Miss Eltoe - Oh, there's someone under her! 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Mr & Mrs Tidelogs, & their bald son, Yul 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Mr & Mrs Amanger, & their son, Wayne 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
From Wales, Mr & Mrs Arenotincluded, & their intellectually-challenged son, batty Rhys 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Mr & Mrs Ivy, & their son the bishop - the Holy Andy Ivy 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
From Mexico, Mr & Mrs Horse-Opensleigh, & their son, Juan 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Another crisis! I've just heard that Santa's drunk & he's holding a painting by an 18th century French pastoral artist & a piece of paper out of a cracker - Oh no! He's blotto in the grotto with a Watteau & a motto! 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Mr & Mrs Even, & their pizza making son, Deep-pan Crispian 1994 Xmas Special Compilation
25 Dec 1994
Mr & Mrs Snows, & their clerical son, the Parson Snows 1979 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1979
A crowd of Christmas favourites, led by Emma Dreaming, Arthur White, Chris Muss, Jess Likedee, Juan Swee, Hugh Stannow, Wendy Treetopsglisten and children, Liz-Ann Tooearsleighbell, Cindy Snow. Hang on, three of them have come back - Emma Dreaming, Arthur White, Chris Muss with Avery Crease, Miss Carr, Dai Wright, Mayor Daysby, Mary-Ann Bright, Anne Mayallyourcris, Mrs Bea White 1979 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1979
Mr & Mrs Notbeengivenanotherguinnessbookofrecords, & their hermaphrodite child, Shirley Ivor 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
There's that old taxidermist, George Paxo 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Amanger, & their son, Wayne 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
All the way from dockland, Miss Gover, known affectionately as 'Wapping' Ann Gover 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
From Italy, Snr & Snra Drinkandrive, & their daughter, Donna 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Donionstuffing, & their very wise daughter, 'Sage' Ann 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
From Spain, Snr & Snra Shoppingdaystochristmas, with their son who we rarely see, so we cry Bloody Hell! It's only Juan Shoppingdaytochristmas! 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs High, & their happy bell-ringing son, 'ding-dong' merry Leon 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Woods, & their babe, Cindy 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
...well, they've let a lad in... 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Damnationnotturkeysandwichesagain, & their daughter, Helen 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Oh, somebody's just found Elsie Tanner in the pudding 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Mascomesbutonceayear, & their son, Chris 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Gulbells, & their daughter, Jean (who goes all the way!) 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Someone is taking a cushion with a peach on it over to her Majesty - it's the traditional Queen's peach 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Please be upstanding for Parson Snose - he's going to do grace. She's amazing! 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Amanger, & their son, Wayne 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Another Arab, Abu Yusef Amerrylittlechristmas 1980 Xmas Special
24 Dec 1980
Mr & Mrs Onceayear, & their son who specializes in seasonal hair accessories, 'Christmas Combs' Bert Onceayear 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
Mr & Mrs Ings, with their midget son who plays football for Leyton and is expecting some sympathy from you. Please welcome wee freak Ings from Orient - Ahhh! 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
...closely followed by an obscene drunken chap from Copenhagen - it's rude Olaf the red-nosed Dane, dear 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
A welcome return for Chris Muss, Arthur White & Emma Dreaming - but in reverse order 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
...not forgetting Mayor Daisby, Mary-Ann Bright, Anna-May Hall, York Rees, Mrs. Bea White 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
There's Harry Oppingdaystochristmas - he's just down on the invitation list as H. Oppingdaystochristmas 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
Her Majesty will be pleased to see the Earl Spencer. Probably not so pleased to see his second wife, who he refers to happily as 'Rayne dear' 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
There's Father Christmas. Don't go too near, he suffers from halito-ho-ho-hosis 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
Mr & Mrs City, & their son the Prince, David, who only did one wicked thing in the whole of his life - he's known as one sin Royal David City 1986 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1986
Here's the festive misery from the Middle East - Lebaneser Scrooge Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Circus Performers' Ball

Mr & Mrs Mancannonball, & their son, Hugh 08 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Panzees, & their son who's a member of the Tory Party, Jim Panzees, T. Party 08 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Andhisperformingseals, & their son, Norman 08 Dec 1990
Mind your heads - here's the incontinent trapeze act, Luke Outbelow 08 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Bennettnicholaswitchellsfunnierthantheseclowns, & their son, Gordon 08 Dec 1990
So successful was Norman, we have Mr & Mrs Andhisexplodingvoles, & their son, Desmond 08 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Eedoodledandy, & their yak 08 Dec 1990
No time for the contortionist to look up some old friends...he doesn't want that hanging over his head all night 08 Dec 1990
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Clerics' Ball

Mr & Mrs Bate, & their daughter, Sally 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Chestercathedral, & their daughter, Win 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Lations, & their son, the Rev. E. Lations, and their dog, Collar 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Bible, & their newt, Estament 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Perior, & their mother, Sue 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Rageteaparty, & their son, Vic 18 Sep 1974
From the Orient, but not with his wife so we'll never know the truth, the wonderfully virile Bishop of Shanghai, & his youngest son, Him number 33 18 Sep 1974
The clerical zoo gang - the Reverend Hush & his two puppies, his cat, Aclysm, his crow, Zier, Luther the papal bull, and some yards behind, his skunk, affectionately known as the family 'Pew' 18 Sep 1974
Mr Sam Lilah, & Sam's son, Andy Lilah 18 Sep 1974
Mrs Izedmilk, & the pastor 18 Sep 1974
Turn your faces to the wall - an onrush of clerical streakers - the knickerless parsons! 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Inexelsisdeo, & their daughter, Gloria 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Spray, & their daughter, Lettie, and their friend, Neil 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Eedoowell, & their eclesiastical son, Dean Eedoowell 18 Sep 1974
Mr & Mrs Ain, & their daughter, Audrey, who prefers to be known simply as 'Aud' 18 Sep 1974
Pray silence for the host 18 Sep 1974
The Venerable & Mrs Balls, & their son, Canon Balls Revd Arnold Page
Sister Marie Lecroix, and her nephew, Evan Lecroix Revd Arnold Page
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Clothiers' Ball

Mr & Mrs Nat E. Pinstripe, & their dog, Toothcheck 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Sheen, & their industrious mother, sewing Ma Sheen 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Jock Strap, & their son, who is Nicholas 18 Jun 1973
Mr Runts, & his wife 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Bowtie, & their dandified son with measles, spotty Bowtie, & his brother, Dickie 18 Jun 1973
From Scotland, Mr & Mrs Mittens, & their son, Wally 18 Jun 1973
From Russia, Commisar & Mrs Iclestocking, & their son, Serge 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Oot, & their daughter, Grace 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Stweed, & their son, Harry 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs O'Trousers, & their father from France, Pere O'Trousers 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Rack, & their daughter, Anna 18 Jun 1973
Monsieur & Madame Ett, & their complete family - their son, Jacques Ett, their bawdy son from Corsica, coarse Ett, & little Gus Ett 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Sticsupportstockings, & their daughter, Ella 18 Jun 1973
From Australia, Mr & Mrs Bootsarat-Themenders, & their son, Brian 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Shoes, & their Buddhist daughter, zen Sybil 18 Jun 1973
From Africa, Chief & Mrs Strap, & their daughter, Debra 18 Jun 1973
Also from Africa, Mr & Mrs Devents, & their son, Si 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Cockhat, & their son, Billy 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Leenshirt, & their son, Terry 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Ningdress, & their daughter, Eve 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Piece, & their fish, Cod Piece, & their pig, Skin-Gloves, & their car, Digan 18 Jun 1973
Mr & Mrs Tremover, & their daughter, Lyn Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Clothing Manufacturers' Ball

The first arrivals - two German visitors - Frau Shirt & her husband, Herr Shirt 25 Apr 1972
Mr & Mrs Rack, & their daughter, Anna 25 Apr 1972
Mr & Mrs Erelastic, & their son, Nick...he was held up 25 Apr 1972
Mr & Mrs J. Fronts, & their son, Y. Fronts 25 Apr 1972
Mr & Mrs Ningdress, & their daughter, Eve 25 Apr 1972
From Scotland, Mr & Mrs Strap, & their son, who certainly has your support 25 Apr 1972
Mr Pendersiskillingme & his wife, Mrs Pendersiskillingme 25 Apr 1972
Mr & Mrs Icalstocking, & their Russian cousin, Serge 25 Apr 1972
From Scotland, Mr & Mrs Underwear, & their son, Willie 25 Apr 1972
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Common Market Ball

Mr & Mrs Ermountain, & their son, Bert, and their aristocratic grandfather, Lard Mountain 17 Sep 1979
Mr & Mrs Lake, & their son, Wayne 17 Sep 1979
There's Edward Eesy, known to us all as E.Eesy 17 Sep 1979
Monsieur & Madame Giscard d'Estaing, & their son, Valery, and their daughter, Norman, and his hamster, Dam 17 Sep 1979
That slut, Agnes Reculturalpolicy, the rather unpopular, common Aggie Reculturalpolicy 17 Sep 1979
Herr Tonic, the rather sour Kraut 17 Sep 1979
Mr & Mrs Movmovement, & their daughter, Freda, and their au pair, Belle Jum 17 Sep 1979
Mr & Mrs Rider, & their son, E.E.C. Rider Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Luxcountries, & their son, Benny Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Fythetreatyofrome, & their singularly unpopular son, 'Ratty' Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Riculturalpolicy, & their vulgar daughter, Agnes, better known as common Aggie Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Sbuttersbest, & their playful son, Ozzie Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Waysnotin-Youberk, & their charming daughter, Nora Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Dum, & their ecclesiastical son, Rev. R.N. Dum Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Not to mention Ann Twerp Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
French Frank, German Mark & Dutch Gilda Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Reachesnewlow, & their son, Stirling Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs O'Germanpact, & their son, Frank Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Saisquoi, & their daughter, Jenny Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Whataboutfoodprices, & their son, Bert Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Seillaise, better known as Pa & Ma Seillaise Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Herr & Frau Ichlieber, & their son, Richard, who can be found in the Hamburg phone book under Ichlieber, Dick Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Herr & Frau Untblitzen, & their daughter, Donna Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
Mr & Mrs Gotiatethetermsofentry, & their daughter, Rene Paris Theatre
26 Aug 1975
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Communications Ball

From America, Mr & Mrs Comm, & their English cousin, British Tillie 26 Jul 1986
From Wales, Mr & Mrs Lingcode, & their son the Welsh International, Dai Lingcode 26 Jul 1986
Mr & Mrs Express, & their daughter, Peony 26 Jul 1986
...related vaguely to George & Arthur Tinsonastring...the two Tinsonastring 26 Jul 1986
Mr & Mrs Steredletter, & their son, Reggie 26 Jul 1986
The Graffes, & their son, E. Leo 26 Jul 1986
Mr & Mrs Confidential, & their daughter in the army, Private Ann 26 Jul 1986
The Istyservices, & their daughter, Honor Madge 26 Jul 1986
from the police communications room, Mr & Mrs Allcarsinthevicinity, & their son, Colin 26 Jul 1986
from Dynasty, with shoulders like a pack horse, Crystal Set 26 Jul 1986
The Daycalls, their daughter May Daycall, & their cheap son Daycall 26 Jul 1986
Mr & Mrs Gagedsound, & their son, Ian 26 Jul 1986
From France, the famile Celpost, & their parents, Ma Celpost & Pa Celpost 26 Jul 1986
Mr & Mrs Beeceeworldservice, & their daughter, Bea Kevin Hale
Mr & Mrs Dioham, & their son, Ray Kevin Hale
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Confectioners' Ball

Crystal Izedfruit 16 Jul 1979
There's that well known Greek dish - Banana Mascouri 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Poundacaramels, & their son, Arthur 16 Jul 1979
Oh crumbs! It's the family with all the dough, the rich Teabiscuits 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Seedballs, & their daughter, Annie, with her fiancé, Sid Cake 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs PC Cake, & his dog, Biscuit 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Nutcluster, & their daughter, Hazel 16 Jul 1979
Here's Minnie Spie, known affectionately to us all as Min 16 Jul 1979
Here's Mr Pastry - a bit of a puff, and a fairy cake 16 Jul 1979
Here comes Claire who's been in the West Indies for such a long time - the lovely chocolatey Claire 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Gums, & their posh son, Wayne 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Ningcake, & their son, Chris 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Arcake, & their son, Jeff 16 Jul 1979
Pat Isserie - she's a bit of a tart 16 Jul 1979
There's Ma Rang & Pop Corn. (She's a bit of crumpet) 16 Jul 1979
Mr & Mrs Seedballs, & their daughter, Annie Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Flan O'Brien Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Our first Mulato nudist - Ginger Nuts (it's a bit of a gobstopper!) Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Mr & Mrs Serrie, & their daughter, Pattie Oxford
20 Jun 1992
A bag of bullseyes (who is that woman Jim Bowen came in with?) Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Music by the Max Jaffa cake Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Who is that fat creamy thing oozing advice? Oh, it's Eclair Rayner Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Mr & Mrs Gums, & their son, Wayne Oxford
20 Jun 1992
From France, Flap Jacques, who juggles with nine rolls - it's a sort of croissant neuf act Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Al Becausetheladylovesmilktray, who's come in with Herbert Dab Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Pa & Ma Zipan Oxford
20 Jun 1992
Mr & Mrs Nems, & their daughter, Emma Oxford
20 Jun 1992
David Battenburg & a meringue-utan Oxford
20 Jun 1992
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Conservative Party Ball

Mr & Mrs Ticalassassination, & their daughter, Polly 01 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Dinthewooltory, & their daughter, Di 01 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Turn, & their son, Hugh. Oh, I'm sorry, there is no Hugh Turn. Oh yes there is! 01 Dec 1990
In the cabaret - Kid Ory & his very tall brother, 'Height' Ory 01 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Crawlingtoady, & their son, A. Crawlingtoady 01 Dec 1990
Fresh from the party conference - Mr & Mrs Dingovation, & their son, Stan 01 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Unscrupulousbastard, & their daughter, Anne 01 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Hoots, & their daughter, Grace 01 Dec 1990
A little sympathy for the new Prime Minister's wife, who's had her knockers...that's Norma's knockers 01 Dec 1990
There's Mr. Ed - the stalking horse 01 Dec 1990
Denis Scrather - he's got a dull itch 01 Dec 1990
The low point of the cabaret - Geoffrey Archer will be seen eating Labour MP Paul Boeteng, and even worse, after that he's going to sing the Eaten Boeteng Song! 01 Dec 1990
Please welcome the two Facedstoats 01 Dec 1990
There's Michael Heseltine telling Sir Geoffrey Howe, but I don't think Douglas Hurd 01 Dec 1990
All the way from Holland, with their host, Hugh Dykes, Mr & Mrs Venyears, & their daughter, Ella 01 Dec 1990
Lord Whitelaw in a fur coat - that's his Willy Warmer 01 Dec 1990
A late addition to the cabaret - the trapeze artist, Margie Nall - she can swing either way 01 Dec 1990
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Countryman's Ball

Mr & Mrs Eticallymodifiedcrops, & their daughter, Jean Guildford
31 May 1999
Mr & Mrs Badgertoday, & their daughter, Freda Guildford
31 May 1999
Mr & Mrs Youleavethesheepalone, & their son, Ken Guildford
31 May 1999
From Germany - Herr & Frau Gidiot, & their son, Villy Guildford
31 May 1999
Also from Germany - Frau Coursing, & her totally unnecessarily cruel husband, Herr Coursing Guildford
31 May 1999
Mr & Mrs Greenwellies, & their daughter, Barbara-Ann Guildford
31 May 1999
Mr & Mrs Dancing, & their embarassing son, Maurice Guildford
31 May 1999
Mr & Mrs Bennettyourbloodyhoundshaveeatenmykitten, & their son, Gordon Guildford
31 May 1999
(d?) after venue signifies a query regarding the Date of broadcast,
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Cowboys' & Indians' Ball

Here comes Samantha - she's keeping squaw Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Moffatt-Degulch, & their daughter, Hedda Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
For the cabaret, we're showing a silent film in which a great silent film comedian plays the part of Sitting Bull at the Battle of the Little Big Horn. Imagine that - Custer beaten by Buster Keaton Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
...also on the bill is Frankie Howerd & Andrew Ridgley - that's Wig Wham, joined by T.P. McKenna who's scalping them and John Wells will do a little comedy turn...that's a Wells farago Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Kenny Lynch has come with friends - the Kenny Lynch mob Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Uprising, & their daughter, Sue (better known as Custer's last stand). She's not apache on Ronnie Corbett, better known as mini haha Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
There's the Scottish Red Indian - Hawkeye The Noo Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Here come Mother Theresa, Norman Tebbit & Jeremy Beadle - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Myheartatwoundedknee, & their son, Barry Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
We're not letting the parties in, because there's a sign outside saying 'No Cochise'. They're misbehaving themselves outside jumping in and out of the coaches - it's just a stage they're going through... Westminster Theatre
15 Dec 1990
Mr & Mrs Ahawk, & their son, Tom Selina Craze
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Cricketers' Ball

Pray will you curtsy & bow for Prince Charles in the Royal Box - he appears to have bowled a maiden over, but I'm not surprised with his googlies! 17 Oct 1981
...and in the same box, the Eastern cricketer, Abdul Minal-Proteckta, with his friend from Scotland, Jock Strapp 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Tindiantouringteam, & their son, Wes 17 Oct 1981
The Heyhoe-Flintsterrificbouncers, & their daughter, Rachel 17 Oct 1981
From Scotland, Mr & Mrs Keeper, & their son, wee Kitt 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Wraight, & their slightly stupid posh daughter, known as the slow Ava Wraight 17 Oct 1981
Da-da-da, Da-da, Da-da - Who's that?...Oh, it's the Third Man, along with his friend, Sally Midoff 17 Oct 1981
There's Uri Dennis Leslie Picksthe-Selectors, known to us initially as U.D.L. Picksthe-Selectors 17 Oct 1981
There's Gordon Bowled, with that loveley lady from Australia, Lillian Thompson - she's a bit of an Arlott 17 Oct 1981
From South Africa, Ferwoort Defensiveprod 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Disbat, & their daughter, Carrie 17 Oct 1981
Here's the cabaret - Bette Midlerandleg 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Pidshot, & their son, Stu 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Thamsbottlesgone, & their statuesque daughter, Beau Thamsbottlesgone 17 Oct 1981
Oh, there's Freddie Truman playing cards over there - "Ee. Double you, Swanton " 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Stoppedplay, & their son, Wayne 17 Oct 1981
Mr & Mrs Claredforsixhundredandfortyruns, & their daughter, Dee Kevin Hale
Mr & Mrs Tossanddecidedtobat, & their daughter, Wanda Kevin Hale
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Criminals' Ball

From Sweden, Mr & Mrs Enee, & their son, Lars Enee 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Fidencetrickster, & their son, Con 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Meamour, & their foul daughter Diana, who's known as the foul Miss Dee Meanour 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Curitywing, & their daughter, Topsy 29 Aug 1978
All the way from Australasia, Mr & Mrs Krobbery, & their son, Ben 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Theritchtogivetothepoor, & their son, Robin 29 Aug 1978
From Italy, Mr & Mrs Blimeyitsafaircopandnomistake, & their Mafia daughter, Cora 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Strangeways, & their worm, Woodscrubs 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Harm, & their Greek singer son, grievous Bo Diddley Harm 29 Aug 1978
All the way from France, the famous courtesan, Madame Fifi, escorted by her lovers, the Count of Monte Cristo, the Count of Versailles, the Count of Marsailles, and she would like fifteen other similar Counts to be taken into consideration 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Dence, & their overweight and stupid son, 'eavy Dence 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Cused, & their daughter, Thea 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Outthefuzz, & their son, Luke 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Picious, & their actress sister, acting Sis Picious 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Storyreallybebelieved, & their daughter, Wilma 29 Aug 1978
There's Ma Khurst & her husband, Pa Khurst 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Ness, & their amusing son, the wit Ness 29 Aug 1978
...and his brother Jack. Hi Jack! 29 Aug 1978
Dr & Mrs Bird, & their ill eagle 29 Aug 1978
Mr & Mrs Decent-Exposure, & their son, Ian 29 Aug 1978
Here's Mal Practice
the Greek blues singer, Grivas Bo Diddleyharm 29 Aug 1981
and the Chinese detective, R.Salt 29 Aug 1981
Mr & Mrs Plifting, & their son, Shaw, with his worm, Woodscrubs. Oh, he's got some strange ways 29 Aug 1981
a military group coming in now - Major Rittyverdict, who demands Corporal Punishment for an offence against Private Property 29 Aug 1981
there's that famous con man and conjuror, Ali Bi. I wonder how much his wands worth? 29 Aug 1981
The band's arrived - Rob Berry with violins. The singers will be Jemmy Craven, Kate Ambush & Killer Black 29 Aug 1981
from Sweden, the Lars-Nee family, & their daughter, Betty Lars-Nee, & Gran Lars-Nee 29 Aug 1981
just joining the band, our pianist who does a lot of prison concerts, Colin Sell, with his girlfriend, Ida Entykit 29 Aug 1981
There's Dick Turpin, with his friend from Golders Green, Oy-Vay Robbery 29 Aug 1981
Oh, there's Ronnie Bigg...oh, he's gone. He's left his friend though, Whistler's Mugger 29 Aug 1981
Mr & Mrs Warnyouthatanythingyousay- Willbetakendownandusedinevidenceagainstyou, & their son, Amos 29 Aug 1981
Mr Sentence, & his tiny mother, the mini Mum Sentence 29 Aug 1981
Mr & Mrs Ongatt-Wilight, & their judicial son, Justice Ongatt-Wilight 29 Aug 1981
also from Golders Green, Mr & Mrs Itaryconfinement, & their son, Sol 29 Aug 1981
from Sweden (with circus connections), Lars Nee, and the appalling Miss Deeds - yes, she's been found guilty with criminal intent 14 Sep 1987
The catering has been done by 'Big Dennis', with his urn & his PG Tips - the high Den tea kit 14 Sep 1987
The orchestra tonight, Max Jaffa & the boys - the amount they're charging, it's robbery with violins 14 Sep 1987
Here's that little-known Nordic God, Offa Thebackofalorry 14 Sep 1987
from Wales, Mr & Mrs Eevingstolengoods, & their son, Rhys 14 Sep 1987
'Big Den' is doing a marvellous job on the catering - there's St.Valentines Day Moussaka, Mashed Potatoes & Seafood (Smash & Crab) and Irish Stewinthenameofthelaw 14 Sep 1987
The aristocracy of the underworld, Lord Lawdown & Lady Lawdown, Earl Eeparole and Count Theloot, and I'd like to ask for fourteen other counts to be taken into consideration 14 Sep 1987
'Big Den's still doing a marvellous job - there's a crate of wine or a pack of lager, I don't know which we should choose. I think the crate wins 14 Sep 1987
Mr & Mrs Err, & their charming son, Ernest - nice little Ern Err 14 Sep 1987
The E.L.O. are the other act in the cabaret. They'll be appearing three times - E.L.O., E.L.O, E.L.O. 14 Sep 1987
Kenny Ball & Chain 14 Sep 1987
Mr & Mrs d'Abode, & their son who's given up his naughty habit, 'no fix' d'Abode 14 Sep 1987
Ma Khurst, & her husband, Pa Khurst - he's got some strange ways 14 Sep 1987
Gert Awaycar 14 Sep 1987
There's Percy Edwards (he's done bird) with his canary, Harold, known to us as Cheepy H 14 Sep 1987
There's Judge Nothumbs, or alternatively, Justice Fingers 14 Sep 1987
Mr & Mrs Inquent, & their childish son, juvenile Del 14 Sep 1987
There's a couple making love in the place where they keep the money - they obviously believe in safe sex! 14 Sep 1987
We are honoured to have foreign royalty with us - ah, Sultan B'Attery Kevin Hale
The Geordies, Ma Tmoorprison & Da Tmoorprison Kevin Hale
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